Written by
by LightAngelHiroko
Summary: Side fic to my main story Letters, events from Letters told from Fuji's point of view. Not a stand alone, please read Letters along side or before.
1. 9:25:11

Chapter 1

Read Letters simultaneously or first. This is a side fic to Letters. This is the same story, just certain points in time written from Fuji's perspective, unlike Letters it cannot be read alone and is only to supply more detail into what Fuji is experiencing through Letters.

Warnings: Drama, angst, future BL. Personal themes.

(9-25-11)

Syusuke woke up in the morning with a low grade fever and feeling generally ill, yet plastered a smile on his lips and left his room to greet his family. Yuuta would be home today and he couldn't waste it lying around his room all day. As soon as he entered to kitchen his smile turned real, "Yuuta! Welcome home!" The said boy was already seated at the table waiting to be served breakfast. When his little brother simply mumbled a "Yeah…" Syusuke turned to his sister to greet her before taking the seat next to his brooding younger brother.

"Ne, Yuuta when did you get back? How's school going?" The blue eyed tensai attempted to elicit a conversation from his reluctant brother. Syusuke would never admit it but the fact that Yuuta had not greeted him as soon as he returned made him quite upset, it wasn't every weekend the younger came home for a visit, and recently these visits were becoming increasingly rare, much to Syusuke's lament.

"I got here about an hour ago, Mizuki let me stay at his place last night to discuss some team stuff," The younger boy replied adding the last part as a sort of justification, obviously he knew what mood his brother was in. "School's fine." Yuuta stated briefly and subject was not pursued for their food was then set out before them.

Yumiko had outdone herself again, probably to celebrate Yuuta's return, Syusuke thought eyeing the rather large array of breakfast foods on the table. He watched rather reservedly as Yuuta loaded up his plate actively sampling each dish with relish, vaguely wondering if this was the reason Yuuta had overgrown him so quickly…The said boy caught his brother staring and shifted uncomfortable, "What…Aniki your staring…" at Yuuta's words Syusuke's smile curve further and he could see Yuuta unconsciously shift away.

"Saa, your appetite is so healthy Yuuta! It's pretty impressive." Syusuke teased pleasantly, earning a brow furrow and shrug from his brother. Then Yuuta glanced down to his brother's plate which remained conspicuously void of use, "You're not eating?" The boy questioned suspiciously, prompting Syusuke to pick up his bowl. The tensai gave the food a contemplative look, it looked really good and he hated to waste his sisters hard work, but truthfully he wasn't hungry at all and currently even the smell was making his stomach churn unpleasantly. Yet with both his perceptive sibling lingering nearby eating nothing was not an option. Syusuke forced a bit of rice in to his stomach, eating slowly, easily using Yuuta's rapid consumption to mask his own pathetic intake. Luckily Yuuta wasn't paying attention and Yumiko was still busy in this kitchen working on tonight's desert, or with Yuuta there probably their mid-afternoon snack, the boy never could wait for Yumiko's pies. Seigaku's prodigy chuckled lightly at his own thoughts and offered his brother some insight when he looked over curiously, "You are so cute sometimes Yuuta." Syusuke set his half-finished bowl back onto the table.

Yuuta looked disgruntled at the random disturbing utterance from his brother; he could never understand why his older brother had to say such strange embarrassing things like that. "That's just wrong and creepy Aniki…I'm not cute" The boy revealed his discontent, if he didn't know any better he would say that the older boy was trying to get him worked up.

"Saa, it makes me worry sometimes, especially when you're hanging out with that terrible manager of yours, what's his name…?" Syusuke teased a mock frown coming to his features his tone pensive. There it was, the verbal bomb; and Yuuta couldn't keep his mouth from reacting snappily, "Mizuki's great! He would never do something weird, unlike you!" The youngest of the Fuji siblings growled standing stiffly from the table and grabbing his used dishes in a hurry. Syusuke just smiled on and retorted, "Just be careful, ne?" before Yuuta stormed out of the room. Somehow Yuuta had a feeling that his brother had done that on purpose knowing he wouldn't be able to control his temper, and Yuuta sighed; he had told himself a million times not to get worked up over things his brother said but he just couldn't help it, the other was just so…infuriating. Upset Yuuta stocked up to his bedroom and closed the door.

Once his younger disappeared from the room Syusuke allowed a soft sigh to escape and for a few seconds of reprieve he rested his head on the cool table, willing the nausea of eating to absolve. He forced himself up quick, however, and deposited his dishes in the sink before rummaging through the pill cabinet for the pain relievers. Luckily he found what he was looking for quickly, for he didn't know where Yumiko had gone or when she would be back in the kitchen. Swallowing the pills quickly he retreated back to his bedroom as well; deciding that laying down for a spell sounded almost too tempting.

A tentative knock on his door woke Syusuke from his light slumber. "Coming." The tensai informed the caller as he rolled off his bed, straightening his clothes and hair quickly before opening the door. He had to admit he was a bit surprised to see Yuuta standing there waiting. "Yuuta," Syusuke greeted with pleasure, his fatigue pushed aside by curiosity. Yuuta looked calm again; stealthily Syusuke stole a glance at the clock on his dresser, it read a quarter past ten, which meant he had been sleeping for a little over an hour and a half. His attention was called back to his taller younger brother when the said boy spoke, "Hey, sorry if you were busy or something…I'm going out to the tennis courts…" the teen sounded apprehensive and Syusuke's heart leap when he realized this was an invitation. "So I was wondering if you wanted to come…" Yuuta announced looking away as Syusuke beamed at him. "But Mizuki's going to be there, actually he's the one that told me to invite you!" the younger Fuji added defensively lest his brother get the wrong idea, whatever that was.

"Of course I'll go with you Yuuta!" It didn't take a genius to grasp the emphasis placed on the word you, "I'll meet you down stairs in like five minutes okay?" Syusuke announced waiting for Yuuta to nod in understanding before closing the door to change. Bracing himself against his dresser Syusuke was still for several minutes willing the rolling nausea in his stomach and dizziness in his head to settle, cursing himself for getting up so quickly. When it became clear that the unpleasant feeling would not abate and on the contrary grew stronger, Syusuke rushed to the restroom and was quietly sick for a spell until his body was contently empty once again. With a scowl Syusuke glared at the unoffending toilet bowl before quick flushing away his breakfast and moving to rinse him mouth and wash his face. It was unbelievable really, he was hardly ever sick yet the time he actually catches some bug happens to be on the very same day Yuuta invites him out, ironic. Taking in a deep breath Syusuke strengthened his resolve; there was no way something like this would keep him home today. Moving back to his room to grab his tennis bag he was quite relieved he had decided to take medicine earlier, for now that the offending breakfast was gone, he was feeling considerable better. Without any further stalling Syusuke made his way down the stairs he joined a rather impatient looking Yuuta, said goodbye to his sister, and happily pulled Yuuta out the door.

As soon as they were out the door Yuuta yanked his hand away and stalked off in the direction of the nearby tennis courts. Syusuke smiled sadly at his brother's stiff form, he knew Yuuta didn't hate him but sometimes it was hard to keep telling himself that.

"Aniki?" Yuuta questioned harshly pulling Syusuke from his momentary mind wondering, and Yuuta's lips curved in a repentant frown. Unassumingly the younger Fuji put his hand on his brothers back and gave him a light shove forward, neither rough nor gentle. Something seemed to be bothering his older brother yet Yuuta couldn't quite figure out what it was; he had never been the comforting type and his brother had never been the 'in need of comfort' type. "We'll keep Mizuki waiting if we don't hurry." he defended his actions quickly when Syusuke sent him a surprised look.

Mizuki was indeed waiting for them when the two arrived at the tennis court and by chance Momoshiro was there as well, and apparently quite relieved to see his senpai for he called out rather nosily as they approached. "Fuji-senpai! Yuuta-kun! I saw this guy here and though you two might show up!" the ruffian announced lively, moving away from Mizuki who looked subtle annoyed at being referred to as "this guy".

"Ah Yuuta-kun, Syusuke-kun, I've been waiting." The raven haired manager greeted approaching the brothers. The small group chatted for a short while and after a few negotiations somehow Momo and Yuuta ended up playing each other, which Syusuke felt would be a good match. Momoshiro's Dunk Smash was definitely a move to be wary of, a good learning experience for Yuuta. On the down side, however, that left him to play with Mizuki by default, for he couldn't just refuse to play for that would be nearly the same as rejecting Yuuta offer in the first place. His dark haired opponent seemed confident, "Finally the destined rematch between the fated rivals…" the boy babbled on about beating the tensai "this time for sure", before Syusuke sent him a sharp smile and he finally served the ball.

Syusuke wasn't playing anything close to serious at the moment yet he was beginning to think it was a bad idea to play at all, for running around the court had his head pounding and body aching with over exhaustion. Yet he smirked knowing that even in this condition he could still dominate Mizuki. The two weren't keeping proper score but Syusuke was pretty sure he had already taken five straight games from the dark haired youth. With relief the tensai sat on the bench and pulled the water bottle from his bag wishing he would have brought more aspirin with him, easily blaming Mizuki for his current state.

With Yuuta and Momo involved in a rather ambitions game and Mizuki digging around in his own bag with his back turned, Syusuke took the second of privacy to place his hand against his cheek. Frowning he withdrew it, not surprised that so much activity had aggravated his fever, which would explain the aches and chills, Syusuke released an inaudible sigh. Suddenly the obnoxious manager was in front of him spouting some nonsense about gathering some useful data of Syusuke's, and had the blue eyed tensai been in better spirit he would have smiled mysteriously and said something along the lines of, "is that right?" but now he wasn't even in the mood to play around the other boy.

Syusuke frowned again when unexpectedly Mizuki leaned in closer to examine him, "You're not even listening are you… Hey your face is a bit flushed, I see so even Fuji Syusuke is not immune to this heat!" the boy exclaimed as if he had a sudden epiphany. The annoyed genius was about to scorch the boy with his burning glare but before he had a chance to open his eyes a stay ball flying with an uncanny amount of power beamed the boy in the back, and Syusuke could only think that justice had been served, literally. That was until the black haired teen fell forward with the force. Had Syusuke's body not been as sluggish as it were he would have highly enjoyed watching the dark haired boy topple over onto the ground, but as things stood he found Mizuki's hands on his upper arms as the teen attempted to stop himself from falling. Unprepared in the slightest to take the others weight they both tumbled to the ground breath knocked away, Mizuki from the ball and Syusuke from the impact of both the boy on top of him and the ground beneath, if there were a time for Mizuki Hajime to spontaneously vanish from existence that time would be now, Syusuke thought, highly unpleased.

"Ah! Aniki! Mizuki!" Yuuta called running towards the two, "Stupid Momoshiro!"

"Crap! S-sorry! Please don't kill me Fuji-senpai!" Came Momoshiro's hurried response.

The words from the other two seem to snap Mizuki out of whatever shock he was in and he finally realized that he was currently straddling and pinning down his best friend's very unhappy older brother. Jumping up the boy was caught by a surprised Yuuta who stabilized him before he fell over again in his haste.

Momo was quickly by Syusuke's side helping the boy to his feet, a bit nervous that his senpai would blame him for this fiasco, considering it was his ball that hit Yuuta's friend, but when he put his hand on the shorter boy's back for support all of those thoughts vanished, " …Fuji-senpai are you okay? You feel like your burning up…" abruptly the fear was back when Syusuke's blazing eyes were on him and he felt like his mouth had been nailed shut. When those blue eyes quickly moved on to the other pair Momoshiro was more than a bit relieved, reminding himself for the millionth time never to get on Fuji-senpai's bad side.

"God, watch what you're doing! You could have killed me! Why the hell do you hit with so much power, I feel like I just got shot…" Mizuki complained loudly trying to reach a hand behind him to rub the sore spot on his back, avoiding as much as possible looking in Syusuke's general direction.

Yuuta, noticing the death glares his brother was sending at his friend and manager, moved to calm his sibling. As soon as Yuuta stepped into his view Syusuke snapped his eyes closed again, "Sa, I'm not mad." He announced before his brother even put in a word. With a skeptic sigh Yuuta replied, "Yeah sure, but anyway if it was anyone's fault it was mine for missing the ball." The younger Fuji announced diplomatically.

"It's fine Yuuta, it was an accident after all." The older Fuji acknowledged, forcing his annoyance for Mizuki away for a while, benign smile back in place, behind Yuuta he could see the teen manager relax slightly. 'Your time will come Mizuki…' Syusuke thought and Mizuki trembled as if he heard every word. "Saa, I don't really feel like playing anymore, I think I'm going to go back now, you have fun Yuuta." The tensai announced, waiting for Yuuta's approval before moving to pick up his tennis bag.

"Actually I have to go too," Momoshiro added, "I'll just head off with Fuji-senpai, see ya' guys later!" The spiky haired Seigaku third year said grabbing his stuff and jogging to join Syusuke as he began to walk toward the exit.

Yuuta watched the retreating form of the two; it was almost too obvious that something was bothering his older brother, besides his annoying grudge against Mizuki. The young Fuji's thoughts were distracted by his dark haired companion, "Ahem," Mizuki garnered Yuuta's attention, "Just one thing, Yuuta…please don't let your brother kill me…" Mizuki requested with forced causality.

"He'll get over it, I'll talk to him later." Yuuta calmed, his brother might have been annoyed at being knocked over but he was surly wan't angry enough to do anything humiliating. If that were the case he would have stayed to punish Mizuki as soon as possible, Yuuta concluded morbidly. Yuuta pushed thoughts of his brother out of his mind; Aniki would get over it, he told himself. Shrugging he offering the other boy a match to forget his troubles.

"Hey, Fuji-senpai!" Momoshiro caught up to the shorter boy easily, and although he didn't really want to tread on thin water when he knew his senior was in a dangerous mood he couldn't help but question the other. "You okay?"

"Momo." Syusuke greeted his tone soft again, really he was too tried to be angry anymore, "I'm fine, the heat's just affecting me a bit…" the prodigy lied easily, but the boy beside him didn't look convinced, "Don't worry it's just a slight fever, ne." The petite brunette acknowledged resigning to the fact that he had been caught, but really, when did Momo become so much like Oishi. Eventually Momoshiro nodded albeit reluctantly, looking slightly nervous, yet Syusuke was glad to know that it was more from the two of them being alone together rather than his condition. Come to think of it the tensai wasn't sure if he had ever been alone with the younger tennis player; Syusuke chuckled lightly startling the boy at his side a bit more, before he spoke, "It's been a while, huh? How are things at Seigaku without us?" the sandy haired teen pacified the atmosphere, if Momo was determined to follow him all the way home it might as well not be awkward.

And easily the tall youth was distracted as he complained loudly about Kaidoh's captaining methods and the lack of action without the former third years. The power player needed little prompting from Syusuke to continue the conversation in his own direction, namely about hamburgers and how hungry he was, and though Syusuke didn't particular mind spending time with his junior when the turn for his street off the many road came up he was greatly relieved. "This is my street." Syusuke informed the other boy stopping for a second to signal that it wasn't necessary for him to be followed all the way to the door.

"Oh, really? Okay then." The spiky haired boy looked apprehensive to depart, "Well take care, Fuji-senpai." Momo offered preferring not to pry into the genius's personal life too much; it was Fuji-senpai after all so he would be fine. With a quick wave Momoshiro started off in the direction of his own home.

Once the younger teen was out of sight Syusuke took refuge in the shade of a rather large tree, leaning heavily against the truck with a sigh. The tennis courts had never seemed so far before and this walk home was turning out to be ridiculously taxing, and the hot sticky summer humidity was truly potent in affecting his feverish body. Syusuke knew that he definitely needed to get somewhere cooler when a wave of dizziness stole over him, he was just glad he had gotten rid of Momoshiro before he could see any of this. Lethargically the tensai pushed off the tree and started again for his house. He supposed he might have pushed himself a bit too far playing with that dreadful Mizuki, though he didn't regret the precious time he was able to spend with Yuuta, and defeating the dark haired boy always felt good.

He just needed to rest for a while then he would be fine; finally his house came into view. The house was quiet but he had been too out of it and hasty to get inside to notice if Yumiko's car was still parked out front. Peeking into the kitchen to find it conveniently empty Syusuke claimed a few more pills from the cabinet and a glass of water before trekking wearily to his room. Collapsing onto his bed Syusuke wondered if he had ever felt this bad before, though perhaps he just forgot what it left like to be really sick; somehow he had managed to sail through the last few years only plagued by occasional and relatively weak colds. He supposed this was payback for last winter when he was practically the only one in school that didn't catch the flu. When his random thoughts finally settled down the tensai quickly fell asleep.

It was late when Syusuke woke up again, stimulated by knock at his door, he got up slowly this time, anything but wanting a repeat of this morning, yet the medication had done its job for his headache was now gone replaced by a sort of lightheaded giddiness, which was strange but much preferred and easy to mask. There was a brief moment of impaired depth perception when he misjudged the distance of his desk chair and nearly tripped over the thing upon standing, apparently even he was clumsy sometimes. Scoffing at his sudden inability to remain standing for more than a few seconds without wobbling Syusuke pulled his door open to come face to face with a curious Yumiko.

"Nee-san," Syusuke greeted, his voice sounding a bit airier than he intended, inconspicuously leaning against the door frame to ensure that he wouldn't sway in front of the perceptive woman.

"Yuuta said you were upset about something, and wanted me to check on you…" The woman explained her purpose, expression turning to a frown as she examined him. "Syusuke you look terrible, are you feeling okay." Of course Syusuke could never hide anything from his sister; actually he was surprise she was just noticing now; usually she knew if something was wrong even before the person themselves did.

"I'm fine Nee-san." Syusuke said calmly moving a step back when the woman's hand brushed his forehead. At his actions his sister sent him a look and with a reluctant sigh stepped back up to his sister to allow her to check his temperature, knowing any further resistance would only worsen his plight.

"Do you feel like having dinner?" his sister asked suddenly taking a step back to gauge her brother's response, and seeing no reason to lie anymore Syusuke replied honestly, "Not really…"

Yumiko nodded in understanding, then announced, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "Well, get in bed." She then proceeded to guide him towards it, "I expect to see you resting until I say otherwise." This was definitely one of the reasons he hated getting sick, Yumiko's tyrannical caretaking, yet he didn't argue, though nor did he mention that he just got up. "I'll bring you something light to eat later." His sister finished and once he nodded in understanding she finally left the room.

Syusuke looked around the room uninterestedly, he really didn't want to waste any more time sleeping, but homework would probably be a bad idea with the fuzziness of the medication and fever affecting his brain; what he really wanted to do was spend more time with Yuuta, tonight would be his brothers last night here before he went back to St. Rudolph Academy, but Yumiko would not allow it and he would hate to pass on whatever he had to his siblings. Resigning to remaining cooped in his room for the rest of the night the brunette changed out of his tennis clothes, picked out a book from his shelf and cracked it open.

(9-26-11)

The next morning Syusuke found the book on his desk with a bookmark in between the pages and he was sure that Yumiko had been in to see him and that he had fallen asleep reading. Pushing himself up he found with relief that most of his symptoms had faded into a dull bother, and though he didn't really feel like eating anything he knew that skipping two meals would be a bad idea, one which Yumiko probably would not allow.

Upon entering the kitchen he found his sister hard at work again but this time Yuuta was nowhere to be seen. "Is Yuuta still asleep?" Syusuke ventured, though he was pretty sure it was still rather early morning, he didn't actually check his clock before he left his room, and surely his brother wouldn't have returned to school without warning him first, maybe; then again he didn't get to talk to his brother after yesterday's little mishap and he might have upset Yuuta by leaving so suddenly.

"Oh, Syusuke! Good morning, are you feeling better?" Yumiko's voice drew Syusuke from his thoughts. Distracted by something in the oven the woman still hadn't turned around to examine her brother herself, so Syusuke was able to answer with a quick affirmative before waiting for his own question to be answered.

"Yeah, we had Mizuki-kun stay the night so I think they went to bed late." His sister informed finally turning around to greet him. Syusuke hummed in acknowledgment glad to hear that Yuuta was still here and he hadn't completely squandered all the time they had to spend together, yet the mention his brother's dark haired manager had the inner more sadistic part of his mind ticking. Yuuta and Mizuki saw each other every day surely they didn't need to spend the weekend together as well.

"Syusuke, what's on your arms?" Syusuke was once again called back to reality by his sister's beckoning, and almost before he had time to look down himself the woman was rapidly approaching. There on either arm, just shy of being completely hidden by the hem of his short sleeved shirt were discolored bruises. Syusuke's eyes snapped open at the sight and he couldn't help but think that Mizuki's future was becoming quite grim. "How on earth did you get these?" Yumiko demanded, pushing up the fabric of his shirt to see the full extent of the damage. He smiled passively at his sister saving his emotion for a better outlet, "Saa, there was a bit of an accident at the tennis courts, but it's fine I didn't even feel it." He said honestly, though Yumiko didn't look convinced, and Syusuke too found it a bit strange for he really hadn't felt much at the impact, he was surprise and had his breath knocked away but hadn't expected any bruises from it.

His sister just sighed in defeat when Syusuke continued smiling at her, "Boys…" she remarked instead of prying further, "I suppose this is the reason Mizuki-kun was on edge last night." There was a knowing gleam in Yumiko's eyes, and Syusuke simply shrugged vaguely moving towards the table once he was released from Yumiko's charge. "Are you going to eat something?" the woman asked resuming her work.

"Ah, just a bit." The prodigy replied earning a satisfied nod from Yumiko.


	2. 10:27:11

Chapter 2

Warning: Drama, angst, personal themes. Read through Letters chapter two before please.

Disclaimer: PoT is not mine.

(10-27-11)

Exhausted Syusuke sunk onto a bench, trying desperately to control his breathing, they had just finished running laps and Syusuke knew he was struggling to keep up with his fellow regulars, something that had never been a problem in the past. It had been going on for a while now, nearly a month or so, and for a while he thought nothing of it. Easily blaming the fatigue and random bouts of illness on the bug he had caught around first of the month, but no cold lasted this long. Syusuke figured it was probably a bit more serious then he wanted to admit out loud, yet he didn't think he could really hide it for much longer. Not that he was doing a good job at it now. Eiji and Oishi had already confronted him several times and even Tezuka was concerned, not to mention Yumiko; Syusuke sighed. Of all things he hated, it was something like this, which had everyone's attention focused on his weakness. But really today he felt terrible and it was almost worth the questions he would be bombarded with were he to just ditch practice to go home to bed…almost, but no, he wasn't so weak as to bend to the limitations of his body, but he also wasn't so dense as to push himself to the point of collapse. It really wouldn't do much when it came to convincing others of his wellbeing.

It wasn't particularly cold today yet when a breeze brushed past the honey-haired prodigy he unconsciously shivered; the warm-up exercises had definitely aggravated the fever he'd been running for the last few days. Luckily he managed to get through the rest of practice without having to work too hard. After Oishi had proposed they have a light rally Syusuke knew the boy had accurately judged his condition.

When the call for the end of practice finally came, the tensai was a bit more than relieved, now he just had to wait for Yumiko to pick him up and he could rest. Syusuke only made it to the edge of the court when a wave of vertigo and nausea struck him, making him pause for a second to take a deep breath which he hoped would clear away the nausea he had been feeling since the past hour or so. A dreadful feeling rushed over him when he realized his body was not responding anymore. The petite brunette swayed uncoordinatedly, his mind blank for a terrifying second before his senses abruptly returned. Quickly pushing off the side of the fence he was suddenly clinging to, his first order of business was checking who had been around to witness his near faint. Instantly his eyes locked onto Oishi's, it was obvious the boy had seen everything and was beyond concerned. Before Oishi could move a step towards him Syusuke willed his body forward, pointedly ignoring Oishi's nervous looks. The tensai changed quickly and fled to club room to avoid Oishi's worrying which he knew without a doubt was brewing wildly in the former vice captain's mind.

Going home held little relief from the concern he was so desperate to escape, for Yumiko was becoming increasingly unaccepting of his assurances. Even as soon as entering her car, instead of a usual greeting he was meet with a hand on his forehead and a pointed look from his sister informing him that she didn't not like what she felt. Promising to rest once they arrived back at home was Syusuke's answer.

It was around six when Syusuke woke up from his nap, and Yumiko wouldn't be bothering him to eat for at least another hour so Fuji figured he could squeeze in some homework before then. The prodigy was able to breeze through most of the assignments with ease, his few hours of rest doing wonders to restore his lackluster energy. At around seven thirty Yumiko called him down to dinner, he ate as much as his stomach would tolerate, which wasn't much, before returning to his room. He had nearly finished the last of his homework when his cell phone resting on the desk next to him suddenly began to buzz with Tezuka's tone. He allowed the tune to play a bit longer than necessary; after all it was so rare to hear. Chuckling lightly to himself he accepted the call smiling fondly as he answered, "Tezuka, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Fuji." Tezuka's voice was precise and deep, unconscious Syusuke leaned into the phone.

"Two calls in less than a week, I feel pretty special; don't tell me I'm not the only one, or I'll be jealous, ne." Syusuke joked lightly, though really it was odd of Tezuka to be calling him like this. The captain wasn't of the talking type, therefore there had to be a reason behind his actions. How typical of Tezuka mused Syusuke before his mind called his attention back to the phone in his hand.

"We need to talk." Came Tezuka's cryptic reply and the tensai forced a smile at the phone, it was defiantly unusual for Tezuka to beat around the bush this way, it was almost too obvious what Tezuka had in mind for their chat.

"Is that so? About what I wonder? Or perhaps you're just feeling talkative." Syusuke drawled vaguely unable to keep the slight exasperation from slipping into his tone.

"It's about you, actually. Oishi and Eiji called me. They are worried, what's going on?" Tezuka voiced his thought, exactly as Syusuke had predicted, it seemed this was all they ever had to talk about. And though it was heartwarming to know the stoic captain was concerned for his health, Syusuke could think of a million other things he would rather talk to Tezuka about.

The tensai had to resist the urge to sigh in dissatisfaction, "Hmm, still going on about that? I already told you I'm f-" quite uncharacteristically Tezuka cut him off before he was able to finish, definitely a rare occurrence; actually Syusuke was quite sure it had never happened before.

"Oishi told me you nearly passed out at practice today, that isn't 'fine'." At Tezuka's stony words Syusuke's eyes flew open.

"W-hat?" the Seigaku genius nearly stuttered but was able to catch himself quickly, and silently cursing Oishi for gossiping he attempted to remedy the situation, "I don't remember anything lik-"Once again Syusuke was cut off mid-sentence by Tezuka. Twice in fewer that two sentences Syusuke bristled nervously, Tezuka was serious this time. Last time Tezuka called he had been curiously concerned but now was strangely different, the boy sounded truly worried.

"Have you been to see a doctor?" Tezuka prodded straight forwardly and Syusuke could have scoffed at the question.

"Sa, Tezuka you certainly are…forward tonight. I thought I would appreciate this quality a bit more," Syusuke threw his thoughts in; vaguely he wondered if it would upset Tezuka.

"Fuji, answer my question," came Tezuka's brief response. Really Tezuka did know how to phrase his question to make them quite impermeable to evasion.

"I haven't. There's no need…" The defense was weak and Syusuke knew it, but really there was nothing else he could say in repose, and really his heart was not in it, for the small voice at the back of his mind called out his lie.

"If you're losing weight then it's not good for you, we're still growing you should be gaining weight. And fainting during practice… it's not like you to let your guard down like this." Tezuka's voice was pointed, clearly he was becoming annoyed.

But so was Syusuke, he knew that Tezuka was determined to force the truth out of him at all costs, something the tensai did not appreciate. "I already told you I didn't notice that I was losing weight. And I didn't faint," Syusuke's voice was sharp, incredulous; "I don't know why Oishi told you that." Syusuke might have unintentionally punctuated his words with a bit more hostility then he meant to, but he couldn't help it.

"Then what was it? And don't tell me it was nothing, Oishi wouldn't lie about something like this," was Tezuka's retort and really Syusuke had nothing to counter with short of completely rejecting Tezuka's concern, and lying outright to the boy, who no doubt would know he was lying anyway.

"Please, Fuji, tell me what's going on. I'm worried about you." Syusuke's eyes widened at Tezuka's words, it was personal and said with more feeling than anything else he had heard from the stoic teen in quite a while. And he knew Tezuka only used tactics like this when he was truly serious.

Syusuke released a soft sigh, there was no way he could shove Tezuka aside now, and really he was getting a bit tired of trying to keeping everything hidden, "I just got a bit dizzy today…" the light haired boy finally admitted quietly hating how weak it made him sound. Though he supposed if there was anyone he could always talk to it would be Tezuka whose calm level headed opinions were much preferred to everyone else's smothering anxiety.

"Today? Has that been happening often?" Tezuka wasted to time in prompting the prodigy again and reluctantly Syusuke released the tight hold he had on the strangle ailment that been bothering him for just little over a month.

"No, just recently, usually when the weather is really hot…or practice is really intense." Syusuke sighed, though somehow it didn't seem to wrong to share with Tezuka. The sandy haired boy offered a short tired slightly sheepish chuckle, "I haven't told anyone, not even my sister."

"What else?" the former captain probed. Leave it to Tezuka to not rest until he heard the whole story, yet it was too late to go back now. The other boy already knew his was sick so with resignation Syusuke began talking.

"Sa, I've been really tired lately, I don't have much energy even in the morning, and I've been going to sleep early too…"

Tezuka's short "Ah," confirmed his attention and willed the tensai to continue.

"Also I haven't had much of an appetite…so I guess I could have been losing weight, though I really didn't notice." Syusuke finished, he really didn't want to mention the frequent headaches or vomiting that usually accompanied, though even without them all the other symptoms now that he said them out loud sounded bad enough to warrant a doctor visit, much to Syusuke chagrin.

"Do you have some to accompany you to the clinic?" The boy on the other line prompted realizing that the tensai would reveal no more. Syusuke almost smiled bitterly at Tezuka words; it was not a question but an order, though he supposed it was about time he when for a checkup. " I'm sure Oishi would be happy too." Tezuka added insistently.

"No, there's no need, I'm pretty sure my sister has already scheduled an appointment for me; she's been hinting about it lately." Syusuke replied quickly. It wasn't a lie, he was almost positive Yumiko had made him an appointment already actually.

"Okay." Tezuka commented and Syusuke could hear the slight suspicion in the former captains voice, the prodigy was about to reassure him when Tezuka spoke again, his tone almost soft. "Fuji…take care of yourself."

"Hm," Syusuke hummed in agreement, shamefully content with Tezuka's fond tone. Then laughing lightly, "Sa, don't get a superiority complex or anything, you haven't beaten me in heath yet," he boy countered jokingly, though somewhere in his mind he really meant it. Really he would be relieved when his whole mess was over, and if that meant he had to visit the doctor to get over it then so be it. The line went quiet after that and Syusuke knew that Tezuka had successfully gathered the information he was after. "Well I should get to bed… Ah, Tezuka! Look how late you make me stay up! No wonder I'm so tired!" the tensai teased jokingly but really it had become quite late, and he was sure he would be feeling the effects during school tomorrow. With Tezuka's acknowledgment and a goodnight from Syusuke the call was ended.


	3. 11:1:11

Chapter 3

Warning: Drama, angst, personal themes. Read through Letters chapter three before reading please.

Disclaimer: PoT is not mine.

Warning: Angst, drama. Emotional personal situations. BL

(11-1-11)

Syusuke took in a deep breath then released it as a drawn out sigh. The task ahead of him was not going to be pleasant at all; that he was absolutely certain about. Telling his friends.

He had spent the greater half of the night thinking about what to say, how to break the news. It was futile, he knew, no matter how he said it; it was going to absolutely devastate them. With Tezuka it had been different. The boy had nearly forced it from him, but this time he had to willingly volunteer the diagnosis. That, and there remained the fact that these three were far from Tezuka's level of calm. Oishi, Eiji, and Taka-san…this was not going to blow over smoothly. Syusuke had to force himself past the nervousness twisting in his stomach the utter distraction of his mind. Regardless of the bad feelings, that he knew had nothing to do with his physical state, this had to be done.

Which was exactly why Syusuke was currently following the Golden Pair to Kawamura's sushi restaurant. During morning practice, when Oishi had forcefully prohibited his participation, not that he could argue, he had casually suggested they all go eat here together after school. Inui had been invited as well but apparently had other plans. It was not that Syusuke didn't think fondly of the data tennis player as a friend worthy of knowing something this important, but he wasn't exactly missing the tall boy's presence. Though statistical data on cancer survival rates was indeed good to know, the tensai wasn't sure he was quite emotionally ready to face those details his friend would surely reveal. He knew Inui didn't mean to be distant; the boy was just very good at compartmentalizing and lacking a bit in the compassion, common sense department.

Syusuke was distracted from his thoughts when Oishi turned around and called his name. As usual the black haired boy looked concerned, "Fuji are you sure you're okay?" came the first of his chiding. "You still look rather pale…If you're still not feeling well perhaps you should go home and rest?" The former vice captain suggested. It was morbidly amusing, the tensai hadn't even said anything and Oishi was already worried.

"Don't worry, I'm fine," Syusuke lied, smile firmly in place. He was far from it really, both mentally and physically. School had worn him out even without tennis practice and he was positive he should be in bed right now if the feverish ache in his body was any indicator. But above that the prognosis he received yesterday served as a consent focal point for this thoughts. It wasn't exactly the best state of mind for much of anything.

"Nya, that's right Oishi! Stop worrying so much you're ruining the day!" Eiji's energetic voice supported his façade. He was glad the red head could still enjoy himself yet he couldn't help but feel that he was really about to ruin the day. Nothing to spoil a good mood more than finding out your best friend has cancer. Syusuke could have sighed. He also could have gone without Eiji pouncing on him exuberantly; it would surely leave some unsightly bruises. "You're feeling better now right Fujiko-chan?" Eiji questioned, he was smiling so happily it nearly made Syusuke rethink his decision to tell his friends.

But no, he couldn't. Despite how much he knew it would worry them, they had to know. As his closest friends they had a right to know, the tensai forced himself to reason. Syusuke merely nodded at the acrobat's words, treating it more like a statement than a question. It might be lying at the moment but they would know the truth soon enough. At the affirmation Eiji released the shorter boy and sprung forward, the restaurant was coming into view. Oishi just nodded looking a little relieved at the positive reassurance. Syusuke could only shrug off the guilt that rose in him again.

The two boys fell into step as Eiji forged ahead through the traditional wooden style doors. It wasn't very crowded as it was only four o'clock in the afternoon. Syusuke also supposed that it could be attributed to the fact that it was Tuesday, not exactly everyone's favorite day to eat out. Kawamura's father greeted them enthusiastically as they filed in. They were even able to take a seat right at the bar and Taka-san had their favorites prepared before they even needed to order.

"I'll be able to join you guys to eat after I finish this last order," The sushi chief in training announced boisterously, the knife in his hand giving him the confidence to shout and slice through the fish on the counter with respectable precision. Syusuke tried to ward off the bitter smile that threatened to displace his usual expression. Today really was a nice day. Lovely weather, friends enjoying themselves, smiling, laughing; and then there was the news he had to share. The closer it came, the more unwilling he became. It was one thing to accept that he had a fatal disease but it made the whole thing more real when it came to telling others that he could die. It became inescapable, undeniable and a lot scarier. Syusuke sighed. It would do no good if he let his negative thoughts get better of his rational. He took another deep breath for confidence and stability. The ache in his body, lulled up till now, was becoming more prominent, sapping at his stamina and his will.

It wasn't long before Kawamura settled himself on Syusuke's right with a plate of sushi of his own. The tensai could hardly pay attention to the conversation that started up around him. It was mostly regarding the high school tennis team, and everyone's adjustment to the new ranking system. Trivialities.

Syusuke was terribly conflicted and suddenly felt horrible for deciding to tell them here, of all places. This restaurant housed all of their fondest memories together, their victories and their triumphs. Though he supposed he was simply trying to find an excuse not to tell the others. It had at after all been a conscious choice on his part to tell them here. Where it housed their joys it also housed their failures, their sorrow. The tensai knew he was over thinking everything as usual. It wasn't as if he were moving away or anything and the possibility of death was still too vague for him to consider and comprehend logically. Finally Syusuke took in a deep breath willing himself to calm down, thinking was obviously not helping him in the slightest. He needed to tell them, and what happened after that would come later. The honey haired boy was just about to speak when Kawamura beat him to it.

"Fujiko-chan…Is something the matter? You've hardly touched your food…" The boy's tentative voice snapped Syusuke from his thoughts. It was true; the others were nearly done with their meals while his remained one sushi roll short of complete. He just couldn't force himself to eat anything. His thoughts made him nauseous.

"It's delicious, Taka-san," Syusuke announced with a placating smile. Taka-san's concern turned questioning and the tensai could see Oishi's worried eyes glancing in his direction. "Actually I have something I need to tell you guys," He said at long last, finally setting the chopsticks he wasn't going to use down. By now all three pairs of eyes were on him. Syusuke wasn't unused to this, though usually when people stared at him it was with an amusing look of shock or trepidation. That was easy to handle. This wasn't. Probably for the first time in his life Syusuke didn't try to make sense of the expressions reflected in his friends' eyes and he simply spoke.

"It's regarding those visits to the doctor," Without even really saying anything Syusuke could already see Oishi blanch several shades paler, no doubt coming to his own conclusions. This was not going to go over well; he thought for the millionth time.

"I got some rather unfavorable test results…" He wanted to break it slowly but from the way Oishi's mouth parted as if in a silent plea to continue and Eiji and Takashi's eyes drilled into him, he supposed it was better for everyone to just have it out in the open. His heart was thudding heavily, heat gathering in his tense muscles, head spinning with the burden of his thoughts. They would be alright, he recalled Tezuka's words, and so would he. "I have Leukemia," The dreadful revelation plaguing his mind was finally out. Already he had to admit the reactions weren't as devastating as he thought, at least Oishi's head hadn't exploded, as it had once in a passing thought. That was about the only good thing that came, for it at least allowed Syusuke to calm himself by thinking of the ridiculous notion.

"Wh-what…No…Leu-…Fuji…" Oishi stuttered and fumbled to form a proper sentence. Takashi looked like a perfect rendition of exactly what the tensai imagined, utterly shell shocked, eyes wide, and mouth floundering. Last came Eiji. The acrobat was really Syusuke's last hope to remain sane; he needed that cheer, those glittering indigo eyes brimming with excitement, energy, hope.

What he got instead were wide confused eyes and a deep frown. The tensai didn't know what to say to his friends, he had nothing to reassure them with. He himself was hardly informed about what exactly this was going to mean for his life.

"W-what does that mean Fujiko-chan…?" Eiji dared to break the stifling silence, his voice sounding terribly disoriented, heartbroken. They had all heard the horror stories about cancer.

"Sa, I guess it means no more tennis for a while," Syusuke made sure his words were light, comforting. It was a bit difficult to manage considering half his mind was concentration quite intently on stopping the trembling of his hands from being visible to his friends.

"Fuji…" Oishi chided, apparently less than satisfied by his belittlement approach. Yet there was no other way Syusuke could think of to defuse the tension, he hated the fearful looks in his friends' eyes.

"No, Fujiko…Fuji." Taka-san suddenly spoke up; the look of shock gone replaced by an equally disconcerting hurt. This was the worst, a thousand times worse than hearing it for himself. Syusuke couldn't stand the fear his words instilled in his friends.

"Wait," Taka-san shook his head suddenly as if clearing it, "No Fujiko-chan, please don't worry about us…." Takashi's next words surprised the tensai a bit. He thought he had been doing a pretty good job at controlling his expression, not allowing his unease show. Though they all knew his personality and it was just his nature to worry about others above himself, in any situation. Hearing Taka-san seemed to rouse the other two from their stupors.

"T-That's right! Fuji! What's important is how you're feeling!" The mother hen of the group nearly jumped up out of his seat as when he realized that Kawamura's words were spot on. The boy's worlds were much too hasty and jammed together to allow Syusuke to believe he was anywhere near calm.

"Fujiko-chan you're going to be… okay, right?" Eiji whimpered miserably. Apparently the boy missed the drift that it was time for them to comfort him, but Syusuke wouldn't have it any other way.

"Of course, Eiji," The genius supplied firmly. He didn't really take the time to consider what exactly 'okay' meant, but he never thought of not recovering as a possibility. But of course he wouldn't let them in on that first little thought. "Just a few weeks and I'll be as good as new," _hopefully_, he sub vocalized. Luckily this seemed to boost at least Eiji's attitude. The other two he had already figured would be harder to appease. Kawamura had lost his grandmother to an illness not more than a few months ago, so doubtless this was upsetting him horribly. And Oishi had half a foot in the medical field already and probably knew more about his cancer than Syusuke did.

"That's not too long…" Eiji looked a bit perturbed at the mention of weeks, though Syusuke had been quite generous in not saying months. From what the doctor had told him so far about his vague prognosis, most people took at least a good three or four months to recover, then the was the remission period. He could tell them that later. "Just take your time getting better, and I'll make sure Oishi doesn't make himself sick worrying okay?" The red head announced, scooping Syusuke's hand into his own fondly. Eiji looked determined and he was smiling yet at the same time there remained a hit of uneasiness in the boy's movements.

"I'll hold you too that Eiji," Syusuke responded gratefully, he knew he could count on the red head to make him feel better. Even if the boy didn't seem to realize what kind of trouble he was getting himself into with that promise.

"I'm sorry!" Oishi offered up randomly, "I-I" the dark haired boy was still having trouble composing himself. Finally he took in a deep breath and spoke clearly, "I don't mean to be a spaz or anything…I just get so worried about people when they're unwell...and this is…" The boy trailed off, and Syusuke could think of a few things to fill that gap: serious, terrible, incredibly unlucky.

Regardless Syusuke's smile turned real at Oishi's confession and he laughed lightly, "Oishi, we wouldn't want it any other way," he clarified. Really, if Oishi wasn't there to look after them who knew what kind of trouble they would be in. The former vice captain looked extremely confused and it simply made Syusuke chuckle more and Eiji join in with him. "But really Oishi please, for everyone's sake don't worry yourself sick." The tensai concluded teasing the boy and stole a glance in Takashi's direction. The sushi chief had fallen alarmingly quiet and his eyes were downcast. Syusuke knew the taller boy did not wished to be worried about, but he was so sensitive that it was hard not to. Before Syusuke had a chance to comment Oishi distracted him.

"Does Tezuka know yet?"

The brunette nodded, immensely relieved that he would not in fact have to go through anything like this again. "Yeah, but nobody else. I was hoping you guys could help me with telling the others." The three looked rather surprised at the tensai's request. Syusuke merely smiled sheepishly and explained, "If you hadn't noticed, I'm not very good at this."

Oishi looked ready to protest, probably to say that there was no need to be good at it, when Syusuke's cell phone rang. The boy held a finger up and the former vice captains words immediately died.

"Nee-san?" Syusuke answered the device, "Ah…yeah. Sorry about that… Okay. Yeah, I'll be there in a minute." He ended his brief conversation with a guilty smile.

"My sister's out front, so I have to run," at his announcement Oishi was back in full blown panic mode.

"You did tell your sister you were here right?" came the accusation, horrified. Syusuke simply smiled mysteriously as he moved to stand. Really, he hadn't asked his sister's permission for anything since grade school. "She's probably really worried! I mean what if something happened…" Oishi began another tirade which Syusuke merely nodded to. He knew the other boy was probably right but that didn't mean he would change his habits anytime soon.

"Well I should go, before she gets angry for real," The tensai joked casually and belatedly realized that Eiji wasn't letting go of his hand on purpose. It only took him an instant to connect the terrified look on his best friends face with the bruises the boy had discovered on his arm. Apparently his long sleeved shirt had not done its job properly. "Call me later okay?" Syusuke offered quickly pulling his arm away from the boy before the others could realize what was going on between them. That had done it for sure. It was clear Eiji had little idea of the severity of this disease, but if seeing that had alarmed him so greatly than he was in for quite the devastation. Syusuke didn't want to think about it, it was going to tear him apart. Just when he was beginning to calm his nerves too. The tensai turned away from Eiji hastily in favor of Kawamura. "Taka-san, want to walk me out?" The boy looked shaken at the invitation and hopped to his feet almost before Syusuke finished his words.

"O-of course!" The tall boy sputtered as the tensai waved the two others a quick goodbye. Syusuke waited until they were outside of the restaurant to address his friend. "Taka-san…" he stated softly as he took in the grim concerned frown on the former power player's face. They would be okay, he reminded himself, and everything would go back to normal in time. It was becoming harder and harder to believe in his own thoughts. "Taka-san, I need you to do me a special favor," Syusuke recollected his calm and finally revealed his propose for asking the boy to follow.

"Anything," Kawamura was quick to agree and Syusuke smiled fondly at his old friend.

"I want you to watch over those two for me," At first the aspiring chief looked confused so Syusuke continued, "I'm afraid I might be a bit useless in that field for a while. Just make sure they don't go too overboard okay?" Comprehension seemed to dawn on the young man and he nodded slowly. Syusuke gave him a light pat on the arm and gave him one last boost of reassurance, "Just remember I'm not going anywhere okay. Be strong for them, and for me, ne?" were Syusuke's last words as he departed in the direction of his sister's car. Kawamura looked torn, caught between fear of the seriousness in the tensai's tone and the duty called for. But Syusuke knew that it was just what the former power player needed, a role to play, an obligation, and a reason to remain positive.

"I'll do my best…And Fujiko-chan, you…you do your best to get well as soon as possible okay?" Taka-san called from his spot outside the doors. Syusuke smiled gratefully and nodded before finally ducking into the car. They could handle this, he could handle this. He nearly collapsed as soon as the door was closed, falling limp against the car seat a shivering, feverish, emotional wreck. When his sister's concerned gaze fell on him, he turned away in favor of the window, not trusting himself enough to hold it together at the moment. He needed time to sort his thoughts and to calm his wildly beating heart before speaking again. Yumiko easily read the unspoken message and allowed the soft background music to fill the silence in car.

I hope you enjoyed reading. Comments, corrections, suggestions welcome.


	4. 11:9:11

Chapter 4

Read through Letters chapter four before reading please.

Disclaimer: PoT is not mine.

Warning: Angst, drama. Emotional personal situations. BL

(11-9-11)

The petite brunette shifted uncomfortably on the starchy hospital bed. Discontent going easily unnoticed, masked by the craftily calm smile on his lips. His mother was currently engaged in a quiet conversation with the doctor just outside the door and though Syusuke tried his best to overhear, the friendly nurse in the tensai's room was quite distracting. The man was sturdy, short, and had a round face with kind eyes and short black hair. What beckoned the majority of Syusuke's attention was not the nurse, however, but rather the assortment of medical equipment he was handling and the nearly constant flow of chatter that flowed from his lips. The prodigy wasn't certain whether the small talk was meant to distract him from the procedure about to commence or if the other just hadn't had another person to talk to for the last several weeks, for he rattled on about even the most trivial things. Politely Syusuke remarked in all the right places adding his own opinion when appropriate, while still managing to grasp the apparent method of treatment his doctor had devised.

"Fuji-kun, I'm just going to start an IV now, is that okay?" The nurse finally approached Syusuke's bedside just as his mother reentered the room. The woman looked slightly more anxious when she saw the needle. And when she took his left hand while the nurse at his side prepped his right, Syusuke offered her a reassuring smile. He knew the roles should have been reversed and that his mother was indeed doing her best to cope and comfort him but Syusuke would do anything to sooth the fear in his mother's eyes.

"Syusuke," his mother called his attention just as the needle sunk into his right arm, apparently not wanting him to watch the nurse's progress. Although Syusuke had never feared needles a strange queasy sensation filled his stomach as soon as the metal pierced his skin. This would be the first prick in a long series which would probably disrupt his entire lifestyle. Not exactly a comforting notion. His uneasiness was not strong enough to warrant a physical reaction.

"Doctor Sakakibara said that he will create a working session schedule after this first dose," his mother conveniently left out the details: that they were waiting to see his reaction to the first wave of chemicals introduced into his system. Waiting to see how long he would need to recover before starting the next cycle. Without a word he nodded at his mother. As soon as the line had been secured the nurse stepped back and the doctor replaced him near Syusuke's bed.

"Now then Fuji-kun," the man beckoned the tensai's attention along with the conscientious gaze of his mother, "Are you comfortable, does this feel okay?" he questioned gesturing to the IV in Syusuke's right arm.

"I'm fine," the brunette reported calmly waiting for the doctor to continue, his mother's hand clinging onto his own with a mentionable quality of desperation. He was trying his best to take everything thing in stride. Fear had never been an emotion he was particularly prone too, yet his mother was making it increasingly difficult to stamp out.

"Okay, then we're about to start your first round of chemotherapy. It is very important that you tell someone if you begin to feel anything strange. Everyone reacts differently to these drugs, but they are strong and some of the usual side effects include discomfort, fatigue, and nausea. It's not limited to these so be attentive. There are also people that don't experience any side effects; it's just a waiting game right now." Doctor Sakakibara explained patiently and Syusuke nodded in understanding before the man moved to insert another line into a junction near the top of the IV.

"As long as everything goes well it will take about five hours before all the medication is in your system," he dropped his tone to a soothing level, "this method seems easier on our younger patients." The man offered a kind smile, "well then I'll leave you to get some rest. Please don't hesitate to call if you need anything." Syusuke's mother bowed deeply in respect as the doctor left the room followed by the nurse.

It was only a few hours into the procedure before Syusuke had to admit to his mother that he was feeling unwell, and another hour after that when he vomited for the first time. Already more medication, meant to curb the nausea, had been prescribed. Still it offered Syusuke little relief and he spent most of his time lying in the bed attempting to sleep or at least trying not to worry his mother to death. Throughout the past month or so he had been feeling worn down and sick, but nothing could compare to this. It was as though every nerve, every cell in his body had exploded, burning and aching dreadfully, without the slightest moment of reprieve.

Even after all the medication had been administered, the symptoms continued and intensified, leaving him in a shocking amount of pain during the first night and nearly incoherent with fatigue throughout the second day.

When finally he woke up lucid enough to speak, he was pleased to see Yuuta by his bedside. He could hardly comprehend the sudden, complete, disintegration of every ounce of strength he had once possessed. Any grasp of time had been lost a while ago and it seemed as though he had only been graced by the presence of vague mumbling voices and fuzzy outlined strangers for years. Yutta was defiantly a comforting sight.

"Ne…Yuu-ta…" Syusuke beckoned, had been more awake he would have been ashamed by the feebleness of his voice. Yuuta was leaning over towards him instantly, concern written clearly in his steely gray eyes. A frown came to the tensai's lips as he took in his brother's fearful disposition, "I'll be okay Yuuta. You're so cute for… worrying about me…thanks," the eldest of the pair announced softly, sleepily. Syusuke watched, eyelids heavy and vision waning, as Yuuta turned away quickly; his teasing word's having the intended effect. When the spiky haired brunette failed to respond there was a brief bout of silence, until finally Yuuta decided to break it.

"Mom asked me to get her when you woke up," the boy offered as an explanation when he rose to his feet. The movement stimulated Syusuke's fading attention back to his brother. He could hardly keep his eyes open and the inconceivable weariness prohibited him from thinking clearly.

"Yuuta?" Syusuke called before his brother could move away, "Can you do me a favor?" His voice sounded far away and hardly recognizable as his own. From the way Yutta moved in close again to hear his request, Syusuke figured his words were escaping as jumbled and detached as his thoughts. "Can you contact my friends and tell them that I'm okay? I know they must be worried sick…If it's too much trouble just Oishi and Tezuka would be fine…I'm sure…Oishi will forward." Syusuke barely had time to ensure that his brother agreed before fatigue got the better of him once again.

(11-11-11)

The third day he was told he would be able to return home to recover his strength and although he was still exhausted he was excited to leave the hospital. He would never be able to get use to random strangers coming in while he was asleep and watching him. And all the white was beginning to annoy him, not to mention the smell. Plus being in the hospital made his illness all too real; yes, he would much rather prefer his own bed.

It was around midday when his mother and Yuuta arrived to pick him up. Apparently, according to his mother, Yumiko had tried to make it as well but couldn't get away from work. Syusuke didn't think that was particularly a bad thing. The less people who saw him in this state the better. He didn't exactly look or feel fabulous and being wheeled down the long white corridor in a wheelchair on hospital protocol was defiantly a smack to his pride. Yet somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if it was really a bad thing. He hadn't walked anywhere, save the short distant to the restroom, in days and with the fatigue he was feeling he didn't really think he could make the trek all the way to the car. When they arrived his mother helped him into the front seat, a needless gesture yet if it did anything to calm her nerves Syusuke would gladly accept it.

As soon as Yuuta was in and his mother finished thanking the hospital staff they started for home. The sandy haired prodigy had nearly dozed off when he felt his mother's light touch on his arm, and as he became aware of his surrounding he realized they were already back. Syusuke got out of the car slowly, leaning against the cool metal exterior for a second when the change of position sent the blood rushing to his head. Already his mother was hovering uneasily beside him and before he had time to soothe her and step away from the vehicle Yuuta was supporting him by the arm and leading him to the house. Syusuke accepted the help considering it pacified both of his anxious family member's and was actually a lot less embarrassing then stumbling his way inside alone.

Syusuke entered the house with a fond smile, happy to be back. However, the smile faded as they approached the stairs to the second floor. Never in his entire life had he ever found a staircase as an obstacle to be weary of, until now. Syusuke managed to make it about half way up by clinging almost desperately to the banister, Yuuta's hand firmly against his back for support. His brother looked very nervous, Syusuke noticed just as realized his legs were moving no longer. The tensai was ridiculously out of breath and dizzy, and slowly he felt his grip on the railing slip, vision tunneling, knees buckling.

"Aniki!" A shout and the feeling of sturdy arms around his shoulders shocked the blue eyed boy back into consciousness. As fast as he could manage Syusuke leaned back onto the handrail to relive his brother of the burden of his weight, yet instantly he could feel the darkness creeping upon him again. His body felt cold, numb, the scenery before him blurring and distorting. Suddenly there was the sensation of weightlessness and through the growing haze in his mind he wondered if he was falling.

When the impact was soft instead of unforgiving like it ought to have been, he realized he was in bed, Yuuta had carried him…He would defiantly never live that down… were his last thoughts before unconsciousness claimed him completely.

Syusuke was terribly groggy and queasy the next time he awoke; rest had done little for him, for still he felt obscenely tired and pathetically weak. Forcing himself to sit up he fought against the protesting of his body at the action, frustratingly taking in a deep breath willing the urge to vomit the little nothing in his stomach away. Looking for a distraction Syusuke reached for his cell phone which was thrown carelessly on his desk. His mother hadn't allowed him to take it to the hospital with him and he wasn't even sure if the device still had any battery left after a few days of neglect.

For some reason Syusuke found himself dialing Tezuka's number, frowning at the way his hand trembled as he did so. No doubt this was going to take some getting used to, never had he been so betrayed by his body before. He could have never imagined the utter exhaustion this treatment would cause.

It wasn't until the call went to Tezuka's voice mail that Syusuke realized he didn't consider the time, or even the date for that matter, before calling. With a sigh he ended the call without leaving a message; disheartened, even his mind was a scattered mess. Collapsing back onto his bed he watched the room spin with dulling eyes and waning spirit. It wasn't like him to be bothered by things so out of his control yet the compounding fatigue and lingering pains throughout his body had his mood deplorably low. Forcing all thoughts from his mind Syusuke allowed sleep to take him over once again, though he took little comfort in the fact that when he was to wake again it would probably be to the same dismal state.

The buzzing of his cell phone drew Syusuke from his restless doze; it took him two tries before his exhausted body gained enough coordination to grab the phone from the desk. "…Hmmm? Tezuka, how pleasant." Syusuke's greeted, unable to disguise the strain evident in his voice, it seemed every time he woke up he felt ten times worst then before.

"Fuji," Tezuka greeted back, "How are you?"

Syusuke could have scoffed at the question, how did Tezuka expect him to feel? He had cancer, of course he felt terrible. Syusuke frowned at the bitterness in his thoughts; he hadn't meant that, in fact he was a bit embarrassed he had even thought it. Tezuka was just concerned after all, and things were bad now but they would get better. He had to keep reminding himself. The prodigy wasn't quite sure when he had begun speaking, "Oh, I really don't want to talk about that…but, I guess that's what Tezuka wants to hear, ne? To hear me talk…about things…" The words seemed to just flow freely from his mouth without any conscious connection with his brain, for already he was uncertain about what he had just shared with Tezuka. Desperately trying to get a grip on his aberrant thoughts Syusuke spoke again, "Chemo's pretty terrible, ne…I'm just glad to be back home, but I'm so tired all I can do is sleep all the time…it's the worst." It seemed with incoherence came honesty and Syusuke realized he really had no control over his thoughts at the moment.

"Rest is good for your body, if you're tired you should sleep," Tezuka advised, and Syusuke could have chuckled at the boy's simple yet indeed profound philosophy, but he lacked the strength.

"That reminds me," he started instead, "I get two weeks of rest before my next treatment. I'm going to…" By the time Syusuke realized words were no longer being articulated from his mouth he had already lost his train of thought, "Um, oh, that will be restful, ne?" Syusuke heard his own words as if spoken by a third person, "Tez-ka, can you… lets…saaa…sorry…" Nonsense was what was babbling from his lips, though he felt like he was speaking clearly the words that resounded in the quiet room did not match in the slightest with the ones in his head; and soon even the words in his head became disjointed and abstract. Syusuke had no choice but to accept the heavy sleep that fell upon him.


	5. 11:14:11

Chapter 5

Read through Letters chapter five before reading please.

Disclaimer: PoT is not mine.

Warning: Angst, drama. Emotional personal situations. BL

(11-14-11)

It took Syusuke nearly the entire day but somehow he managed to convince his mother to allow some friends over for a visit. He hadn't really expected so much trouble on the matter considering it was Oishi and Eiji he wanted over. The former whom his mother adored and Eiji, who for the last few years, practically lived at the Fuji house over the weekends. Yet things were different now.

Syusuke had only been half lying when he told his mother he was feeling better. Compared to two days ago he was worlds better, yet overall he had never felt so rundown in his entire life. Still, he couldn't spend the next two months, six months, or however long this deplorable state would last completely isolated from the world outside his mother and siblings. Today his chance finally came for both his mother and sister had work on Tuesday afternoons and it would be an incredible burden for Yuuta to have to come all the way home just to watch over him for a few hours. Syusuke had heard his mother calling work in an attempt to reschedule her for the night shifts, yet her boss had already pulled as many strings as she was able to just getting the rest of the week structured around Yumiko's schedule. Which meant that at any given time Syusuke would not be left alone. Yes, so many things had changed. Before they had no problem leaving him home alone afterschool and sometimes full weeks while his mother went abroad and Yumiko on an excursion. But today, with little choice in the matter, Yoshiko Fuji had to accept her son's suggestion.

Syusuke knew he would have no problem getting Oishi and Eiji to agree to come over. And as he found out later when he called, the two they were all too happy to oblige. He was definitely looking forward to seeing his friends, though it hadn't been a terribly long time since he last saw them. Nearly one week, it felt like years. Considering he hadn't gone more than a day or two in the last three and a half years without seeing at least one his friends, a week was an eternally. Now all he could hope for was that the two don't completely freak out upon seeing his rather poorly state. Though there was no doubt they would worry, there was really no way for Syusuke to avoid that, as much as he'd love to.

(11-15-11)

Syusuke was lying in his bed when four o'clock came around. He had been planning to go down to the living room when Oishi and Eiji showed up, where he wouldn't feel quite so vulnerable and sickly, but his body had obstinately rejected the idea. A few hours earlier he had eaten some of the soup his mother brought up in a hope that it would somehow reassure her that he was feeling better, to lessen her guilt about leaving. However, the plan backfired on him and he had thrown up about an hour ago. Now he was groggy, his body dully aching all over, and without a doubt lacked the strength to tackle the stairs without alarming his mother to his plight. It wasn't that bad though; perhaps he would rest here for a while he then ask Oishi to help him to the couch later. All he wanted now was a bit of independence from his obviously stressed out mother and the guilt of knowing he was the cause. Hopefully she could unwind at work, get her mind off things for a while, but Syusuke knew that was a lot to ask for.

The tensai's thoughts were distracted by his door opening quietly, and his mother entering the room.

"Syusuke," she called softly, as if talking to a child. Though Syusuke supposed he was her child, her sick child at that, so he really couldn't argue with her choice of tone yet that didn't mean he enjoyed it.

"Mmh?" Syusuke prompted his mom to continue, shifting onto his elbow to prop himself up. Yoshiko approached his bed before speaking again.

"Oishi-kun and Kikumaru-kun should be here soon, and I'll have to run as soon as they arrive." Syusuke could easily pick up on the ill ease in her voice, the way her sharp eyes took in his features searching for any signs of discomfort. Syusuke would reveal nothing. His mother needed a break from him even more than he did from her. "Are you sure you're okay? I'm sure they could find someone else to fill in for me…" She began tentatively, reaching a hand out to brush against his forehead checking for the slightest hint of a fever.

Syusuke had been expecting this and smiled up to his mother, "I'll be just fine. It's just a few hours anyway, and I won't be alone," the honey haired teenager reassured his mother. Not only was he not going to be alone but Oishi would be the one looking after him, that was about as close to his mother's level of worrying as it could get. The woman nodded slowly, withdrawing her hand to once again studying her son.

"Okay," she said finally, "but if anything happens I want you to call me right away." Her words were a requirement not an option. Dutifully Syusuke nodded, knowing she would refuse to budge until he agreed to her condition. She finally left the room but not before reminding him to call and informing him that she would be giving her number to both Oishi and Eiji just in case. Honestly he didn't know why she was so paranoid about going to work for just a few hours, she had gone before leaving Yumiko in charge throughout the week and nothing had happened. Having a few friend over wasn't going to endanger him in anyway. With a sigh he lowered himself back into his bed, hoping his mother wouldn't bombard the two with too many precautions. Syusuke knew those two were already stressed out about his health enough as it was.

It was about ten minutes later that Syusuke heard the front door open and close and he figured his friends had arrived. Though if Eiji was indeed downstairs he was being alarmingly quiet; never a good sign. The prodigy couldn't be completely sure the two were really there by how quiet they were being until finally the pair approached his door. Syusuke pushed himself to sit up before the door was opened fully and Oishi's head peaked into the room. "Come in," Syusuke said as a greeting, trademark smile firmly in place, "Oishi, Eiji."

Oishi chuckled nervously before opening the door fully and walking inside followed closely by a rare sullenly silent Eiji, "Sorry we didn't knock, I was afraid we would wake you. So I just wanted to peak in," the boy explained. He was a bundle of nerves and Eiji was fairing no better behind him. Syusuke knew his smile was doing nothing to settle either of them.

"Don't worry about it," the tensai said flippantly, "Thanks for coming today, it's pretty boring being cooped up all day." Syusuke gauged their reaction as the two approached his bedside. Oishi as expected looked concerned. Eiji's attitude was more bothersome. The said boy stayed a step behind his doubles partner, eyes averted, hands clenched into fists.

"How are you feeling?" Oishi just had to ask the question, and for a moment Syusuke entertained the thought of how they would react if he told them he was exhausted, nauseous, and in pain; before replying, "Fine, I'm doing well today."

It took a while for the tension in the room to lose its edge, mostly because of Eiji's reluctance to act normally and Oishi nearly constant fretting, but they had managed to converse normally for a while before Syusuke decide that this new quiet Eiji was not to his liking.

"Ne, Oishi sorry to bother you but do you think you can get some tea for us to drink? I think my mom left some on the stove, though you might have to reheat it a bit." Syusuke requested. Of course the raven haired boy was more than happy to oblige and be helpful.

As soon as Oishi was out of sight Syusuke's eyes slipped open and he pinned his best friend with a silent demand to start talking. The red head shifted nervously, yet said nothing. Eiji never kept his feelings bottled up like this and Syusuke wasn't about to allow his friend to start now.

"Eiji," the tensai warned, making it clear that the subject was not going to be avoided, "Tell me what you're thinking." Syusuke already had a good idea about what exactly the boy had on his mind yet he needed Eiji admit it first before he could comfort him. Eiji bowed his head as if in shame but Syusuke didn't miss the gathering of tears in the acrobat's indigo eyes. From the way the red heads trembling hands took hold of the blanket, desperate, down trotted; Syusuke knew it was taken nearly everything the boy had to keep himself together.

"Fuji… you're… hurting right?..." Eiji mutter sorrowfully, "I-" the boy sniffed, crying freely now, "T-there's nothing I c-can do to help… You look s-so pale and so tired…Fujiko…I-it's not fair…"

Syusuke released a light sigh sending the boy a fond sympathetic smile. In truth he hadn't realized just how easily Eiji could see though his front and how deeply it would affect the boy. Reaching out the short distance between them Syusuke pulled the sobbing red-head into his arms, "Eiji listen to me okay?" The tensai prompted, waiting until he felt Eiji's head dip lightly before continuing. "I'm sick and I'm tired, and yes it's going to be tough for a while…but I'm not dying Eiji, nor am I suffering," Syusuke said firmly. Pulling away to ensure that the boy was indeed listening, Syusuke found Eiji's wobbling eyes gazing at him, crystalline tears still dribbling down his cheeks.

"And who said you can't help me? I need you Eiji, I need you to be strong for me, so that when I need someone to lean on I know you'll be there for me…" Gently Syusuke spoke again.

Eiji looked shocked for a second as if he hadn't even thought his presence alone could comfort his friend but just seeing the other two had raised Syusuke spirit considerably.

"I'll always be here! Fujiko! I-I'll be you're support!" the boy exclaimed passionately. His new pushy enthusiasm juxtaposing oddly with the sorrow and ill ease still easily evident in his expression. Despite the fact that Eiji was decidedly simple and easy to please, Syusuke never underestimated the boy's emotional depth or perceptiveness. It would be hard to hide anything from Eiji, but not particularly a bad thing. Syusuke smiled and used his sleeve to wipe way the watery trail on Eiji's cheek.

"Thank you Eiji," the tensai replied warmly, "Now if you could just smile for me…" Eiji broke into a smile immediately which Syusuke was glad to see. It looked neither fake nor forced, and though his eyes were still red around the edges he had stopped crying and looked infinitely relived, purpose strengthening his resolve.

The honey haired prodigy released his friend fully and they both settled back into their spots, Syusuke tiredly against his headboard, Eiji with renewed yet subdued energy onto Syusuke's desk chair. The room fell quiet once again but instead of Eiji deliberately avoiding eye contact now he was openly watching Syusuke. The tensai didn't mind quiet from the red-head, as long as he wasn't so painfully wrought with tension as last time, and he figured he probably couldn't keep up with Eiji's usual energy anyway. Yet, having the boy's keen eyes seeking out his weaknesses didn't particularly sit well with the genius. "Eiji," Syusuke distracted his friend with conversation, considering Eiji still seemed a bit to out of sequence with his normally easy going personality, "How was practice today?"

"Nya, Fujiko it's so lonely without you…" the boy whined, and Syusuke knew he would be fine. "Now I only have Oishi to play with…I don't want to play with Inui he'll make me drink his gross juice! And class is hard, the teacher writes so fast and I don't have anyone's notes to copy anymore… " Eiji began. Obviously he was trying his best to insert some liveliness into his sulk.

Syusuke chuckled, deciding that Eiji needed a bit of teasing, "Sa, that is unfortunate, but sleeping in late and watching movies all day can be tough too you know. Like sometimes I have to change the DVD, or when they only play cheesy dramas on TV." The shorter teen sighed with mock exasperation. Of course these things didn't really bother him, in fact the minute he could stay awake throughout an entire movie would be the moment he went back to school; but it was Eiji's ideal day to skip school and lounge around the house without consequence so surely he would take the bait.

"Nya…Fujiko that doesn't sound bad at all…" The red-head moaned, and Syusuke was glad he was playing along. They both knew that changing the television station was the last burden on Syusuke's mind. The tensai was just relieved to be able to talk to someone who wouldn't reprimand him for belittling and disregarding his health. Eiji was about to speak again when Oishi returned with a tray of tea and a few snacks.

"Hoi! Oishi brought cookies!" the acrobat exclaimed upon noticing the other boy's presence. Oishi looked surprised by the outburst and as Eiji heartily gathered some of the sugary treats for himself, his doubles partner cast a questioning look in Syusuke's direction. Obviously wondering how the tensai had managed to turn the other boy's mood around so thoroughly in such a short amount of time when he had been unsuccessful the few times he tried. Syusuke just sent him a small smile before reaching for one of the tea cups.

They all settled into the new improved atmosphere quickly. The three made small talk for a while until Syusuke's fatigue became a bit too apparent. Syusuke found himself falling out of the conversation. Though his eyes were already closed, as usual, he was slowly become less aware and he knew the other two were trying politely to ignore it and quiet down so he could fall asleep; but Syusuke was just as stubborn as ever and wouldn't allow himself to succumb to sleep just yet.

Almost as soon as he finished that thought Oishi rose from his spot on the floor and announced, "We should go down stairs for a while and let you rest, Fuji." The dark haired boy sounded a bit more collected than he looked and Syusuke knew he was worrying that they were pushing his health by keeping him up. The tensai would have liked to deny the need to rest, when he hadn't even been up for more than a few hours, but his body would not allow it. He still had a ways to go before he could get over the dichotomy growing between his will and the new limitations of his body. So cooperatively and sedately he nodded and allowed his friends to leave the room, before he scooted forward to lie down, sleep catching him quickly.


	6. 11:26:11

Written By: Chapter 6

Read through Letters chapter six before reading please.

Disclaimer: PoT is not mine.

Warning: Angst, drama. Emotional personal situations. BL

(11-26-11)

Syusuke slept in until three in the afternoon. Not that it really mattered what time he got up considering his mother had him confined to strictly bed rest until further notice. Thus it had been days since he'd been out of bed for anything save the short trip to the restroom. The tensai didn't argue with his mother on the issue, given that he was usually too tired to get out of bed anyway. Yet the lack of stimulation was beginning to take a toll on his mental fortitude which in turn, he could argue, was bad for his overall health. Turning his head to give his room another bored stare down Syusuke realized that his excuse to reestablish connection to the world would not be necessary, for there on his bedside table was his cellphone.

The device had mysteriously vanished after his last trip to the hospital days earlier, but at last had somehow managed to finds its way home, and back on to the charger at that. He still couldn't fathom why his family seemed insistent on taking his phone away. Talking to his friends was probably about the least stressful thing he could do besides sleep, especially when that friend happened to be Tezuka. Maybe they believed the cellphone radiation was bad for his health or some other paranoid nonsense, Syusuke mused. By now the phone was in his hands and he wasted no time dialing Tezuka's number. It had been too long since he had spoken to his favorite tennis captain.

"Fuji?" Tezuka's strong voice rushed through him and Syusuke felt an odd, yet not unpleasant, fluttering sensation settle in his stomach. It really had been too long since he'd heard that voice.

Bring his mind back to the present the blue eye boy tossed out a casual, "Tezuka," to compliment the others greeting.

"Are you feeling alright?" Tezuka wasted no time getting to the point as usual. Syusuke didn't mind though, he knew it was coming anyway and would rather get it out of the way sooner rather than later.

"Aa, this week was kinda rough, ne. But I'm feeling okay today." It was the truth. He was still tired and periodically dizzy and feverish but compared to the days right after his treatment he was one hundred percent better.

"That's good to hear. I was…really worried." Tezuka cut into his thoughts sounding awfully sheepish.

Syusuke took no time in pegging the tone and could hardly suppress the fit of laughter welling inside of him. "Aw, Tezuka don't tell me you're blushing right now! Mou, I can't take a picture!" He couldn't help but tease his friend. What he wouldn't give to see Tezuka expression at the moment. When the boy on the other line quickly denied the tensai's statement Syusuke was only amused further, and more thoroughly convinced that he was right. When the captain cleared his throat purposefully Syusuke figured it was time to stop harassing his friend before Tezuka finally came to his senses and realized that the mental strain was not worth the effort of answering the tensai's calls.

"So, you know everything about me, how about you tell me how you are for a change?" Syusuke suggested, a change of pace would be good for a while. Even though the tensai knew Tezuka was terrible at making small talk especially about himself, it was always entertaining to force secrets from the uptight tennis player. Syusuke figured that it would give him quite the ample distraction for a decent amount of time.

This indeed turned out to be true and while Syusuke wasn't sure how long they had been talking, he was positive that he had enough Tezuka-tidbits to fill in a fine portion of one of Inui's data books. The blue eyed boy nearly laughed out loud at his thoughts, his hand absently moving to push aside the pile of junk blocking the view to the clock. He decided it best not to share his musing with Tezuka lest the boy begin to fear the risk of exposing himself to the world. Over the weeks of chatting with Tezuka, Syusuke had learned quite a few interesting facts about Tezuka, for some reason the boy seemed more prone to sharing over the phone than face to face. Syusuke's thoughts were distracted when the manmade tower of books he had erected days ago lost its structural soundness at his prodding and toppled noisily to the floor.

The tensai figured that little accident had set off more than one panic attack. And without further provocation came Tezuka's, "Fuji? What was that?" The worry laced through his captain's voice was hard to endure.

"Opps," Syusuke announced after a shout pause, "It's nothing, I just knocked over my pile of books…" he explained calmingly. "Saa, looks like I'll have to get up now. I've been like glued to my bed for days it's terrible," the tensai had meant it as a joke but considering Tezuka's small grunt Syusuke figured the boy didn't approve. But it wasn't like he was lying or anything, sadly enough. It took a bit more effort than he'd like to admit to sit up in the bed and for a moment he entertained the thought of simply waiting for Yuuta to come check on him and let his younger brother deal with the mess. But no, he wasn't tired enough that he couldn't pick up a few books. He tried convincing himself of that fact as he leaned in the direction of the miss treated items. The sight that caught the corner of his eyes as he did so, however, shocked him rigid and without thinking he gasped.

"What's wrong?" Somewhere far way Tezuka's concerned voice entered his consciousness. Yet he was hardly paying attention to the other boy anymore.

"Oh…Oh no…" Syusuke whispered, hoping, praying that what he was looking at was not what he was thinking. Almost numbly his free hand moved to tangle itself in his hair. His fingers ran freely though the tousled locks and he felt his stomach turn to ice. He didn't need to do it, he already knew, but his hand moved on its own. Pulling away from his scalp he stared almost bitterly at the clump of tawny strands interlaced between his fingers. They were, of course, a perfect match to the terrible pile already embellishing his pillow.

"What is it?" The voice from the phone still pressed against his ear rang loudly, and Syusuke suddenly remembered Tezuka, and reality.

The tensai's hands turned into a fist and he griped the strands of fallen hair as a myriad of emotions stole through him. It took him quite a while before he could properly force words to leave his throat, "…My…my hair…Tezuka, it's falling out…" Of all the emotions, his voice most accurately portrayed his utter shock. Thin, shaky, and simply pathetic.

As if to redeem himself from the embarrassment of his tone Syusuke just started speaking, not even complete aware of what he was saying, "They- the doctors warned me that something like this would probably happen but… I still hoped it wouldn't you know…" He thought he had been ready for this. They told him before hand, and he'd been losing a lot more hair in the shower lately but it was still hard. He wasn't even sure why he cared so much, sure he enjoyed having hair and many people complimented it as one of his best features, but none of that really mattered. There was just something about having a constant reminder of how sick he was every time he looked in the mirror that he didn't find appealing at all.

"Fuji, it will be okay. Your hair will grow back." Again he had nearly forgotten Tezuka's presence. He was suddenly ridiculously relieved that Tezuka was at least not here in person to witness what he could only describe as an incredibly embarrassing personal melt down. It wasn't that big of a deal, he tried to tell himself. The softness in Tezuka words willing him to calm down. He almost managed to settle enough to offer a weak agreement when there was a knock at his door. Really, that was probably the single worst sound he had ever heard in his life. Syusuke gasped again and belated he realized his hands were shaking. For the life of him he couldn't fathom why he was reacting so violently to this. He needed to calm down. For Yuuta, and for poor Tezuka who was without a doubt worried sick.

"I-I'm fine, just a second…" Syusuke muttered to the door. He couldn't stop the whirl wind of thoughts flying through his mind. He supposed his scatterbrainness stemmed partly from the medication and it definitely wasn't helping matters. He couldn't think, he could hardly breathe. There was no way he could face his brother. "Oh god it's Yuuta," he whispered into the phone utterly lost, "What should I do? I-I don't want him to see me like this…I don't even know what it looks like…What if it looks terrible, Yuuta's going to freak out…" He spoke to Tezuka before his conscious mind had the ability to process and stop it. This wasn't what he wanted; Tezuka didn't need to be bogged down by his problems. Yet the tensai found himself in desperate need of Tezuka's unwavering calm and rationality.

"Fuji, let your brother in," came Tezuka's rather stern suggestion. At the words Syusuke abruptly realized what a terrible hypocrite he had been; telling Tezuka to open up to people when he wouldn't even do the same to his own brother. Yet he hated seeing the concern, the pity, reflected in the eyes of his family. He could never get used to being the weak one. The one needing comfort, needing help. As if responding to the tensai's thoughts Tezuka announced, "He's a strong person; he can handle this, just like you can. He's going to worry, of course, but he will support you no matter what." Tezuka sound so sure of himself and Syusuke forced himself to believe in those words.

Yuuta was strong, he already knew that. He had already seen worse than this anyway, yet this felt shocking revealing. Sure Yuuta had been witnessed to a plethora some of Syusuke's very worst moments, but those were just temporary and could be eased over and forgotten in time. But this would serve as a terribly true sign, labeling him, until this entire fiasco was over, as clearly having Leukemia. Sometimes pretending nothing was wrong was the only way he and his family rested at night. The tensai just sighed; all he could do now was hope for the best, doubtless Yuuta was about to barge in and see for himself anyway.

"Aa…" Syusuke finally agreed, not that he had much choice in the matter. Unlike most things this was something he could not hide no matter how hard he tried. "Thank you Tezuka, really. I'll talk to you in a bit, okay?" the tensai promised, knowing Tezuka would want to know the outcome to whatever was about to happen. Slowly Syusuke allowed the phone to drop from his hand. Already he missed Tezuka soothing voice. Finally he called for Yuuta to enter, the unsettled feelings making his stomach turn unpleasantly.

Yuuta came in looking mildly annoyed at having to wait for so long; he had probably assumed a while ago that it was because Tezuka was on the other line. Naturally Tezuka had just become the one Syusuke turned to talk to the most. Not that Eiji didn't call frequently; but the red head was more of a stress reliever while Tezuka was something else. A kind of stabilized, a pillar, as they had determined through tennis, that he was becoming increasingly reliant on.

When Yuuta's eyes widened Syusuke braced himself, wishing desperately for a mirror. He hadn't even had a chance to see the damage yet, but considering the clumps of lost hair on his bed and his younger brother's expression, it was not good.

"A-aniki…your…" Yutta began as if Syusuke wasn't already hyperaware of his current situation. He supposed the topic had to be brought up somehow, and Yuuta never was the tactful type. His brother liked things curt and simply, the very opposite of the tensai's way of doing just about everything. And with the temperamental mood Syusuke found himself in at the moment simplicity was about as likely as Tezuka cracking a joke in the middle of a tennis match.

"Sa…I know," The elder of the two commented saving his brother the trouble. Obvious Yuuta was already having plenty. "Looks like it's finally happened. It will probably look better after it all just falls out." Syusuke had to speak slowly, meticulously, to keep his voice even; to keep his smile in place. He could feel his hands twitching to touch the honey colored strands still framing the sides of his vision. But he couldn't show Yuuta how much this was affecting him.

"Aniki…are you, okay?" Yuuta questioned, taking a hesitant step in Syusuke's direction. His brother looked like he was afraid of stepping on a landmine, so apparently his smile was failing its purpose.

"Of course. It's not like it hurts of anything," Syusuke replied as flippantly as he was able, adding in a short chuckle for emphasis. Yuuta looked flustered at the retort but took a few more steps closer.

"You know that's not what I meant," Yuuta's words surprised Syusuke more than he was willing to show. This conversation was not going the way he would like it to: with Yuuta's easy reassurance and departure. Syusuke really wished he had had more time to think a better strategy before having to confronting his family. It wasn't like he didn't love having Yuuta around but there were times when a little alone time did the tensai wonders. Like now for example.

"I'm fine. It's just hair, ne. It will grow back in no time," the bedridden prodigy soothed. He had his eyes closed firmly denying his brother any access to the unadulterated chaos of emotion visible within them. It was getting more difficult to speak as if ice and fire were twisting around his vocal cords, simultaneously, sapping the strength from his voice. He couldn't do this, he needed more time to think, to calm down. Syusuke's discomfort grew as Yuuta's probing gaze easily read through his shaky defenses.

It was obvious Yuuta did not accept his words at all, "Aniki just stop," his younger brother snapped exasperatedly. And before Syusuke even had time to frown in confusion Yuuta had quickly transgressed the distance separating them and wrapped his arms around him. The tensai sat frozen in shock, he was absolutely positive that his mouth was hanging open embarrassingly, his eyes open wide. This couldn't be happening. Yuuta simply did not hug people. Even when they were children his younger brother had always been the independent type. Nearly obsessed with the male role in life which, according to his standards, was to avoid anything girly or emotional and hugging was certainly among those things. For the first time in his life Syusuke didn't know how to handle his brother. Was he afraid? Angry? Depressed? The shivering meant something bad right? Syusuke found himself suddenly in the dark; struggling like a blind man, searching for something that was not only out of his reach but never there in the first place.

He had to say something, anything to reassure his brother. "Yuuta…it's okay…" the tensai's words escaped as a sort of strangled whisper for reasons he couldn't comprehend.

"Shut up, you're an idiot," Yuuta announced and Syusuke would have pegged the tone as harsh but he was quickly giving up on any notions of reading the situation. The arms around him tightened and suddenly, as though a heavy fog had lifted away, he realized that it wasn't Yuuta who was shaking. And those painfully sharp erratic breaths were coming from none other than himself. "Aniki you're the biggest idiot I've ever met." The words were utterly warm, melting into Syusuke's conscious like nothing he had ever experienced.

He was wrong, he had been wrong about everything from the start. This wasn't for Yuuta's comfort; the boy wasn't scared in the slightest. It was for him, Yuuta had seen straight through him.

Unable to control himself Syusuke began laughing, soft half hysteric chuckles muffled as he buried his face in the material of Yuuta's shirt. Finally his arms rose as well, clutching the back of his brother's shirt almost desperately. He knew he was overreacting big time but he just couldn't curb the efflux of emotions from freeing themselves from his usually tight hold. It wasn't losing his hair that had him so completely frazzling it was just everything. Compounding, overwhelming. Yuuta probably didn't even know how much this was doing for him. Syusuke didn't even know how much he needed it.

"You know, you don't always have to be okay with everything," Yuuta spoke once Syusuke had finally faded into a slowly calming silence. "Nobody cares if you get upset."

Syusuke opted to remain silent, not quite trusting his voice enough to speak. He knew what Yuuta was saying was true, of course. Yet at the same time, if he allowed what was happening to stress him out there was no way he would make it. If he had to tolerate it all regardless he'd rather do it willingly with a smile than forcefully in doubt and anger. He also knew, however, that there were times when it was just too much to handle alone. Despite the difficulty he needed to set his pride aside sometimes and accept the comfort being offered all around him. He understood that now.

Yuuta pulled away from him after that but didn't move away. Syusuke was overcome by sheer magnitude of the gesture and found it almost frightening how well his brother was reading him at the moment. The tensai wasn't exactly a touchy person by nature but at the moment the physical contact was the most reassuring, comforting, calming thing he had every experienced and which he was in dear need of. Strange that at his most venerable, emotional, clingy state Yuuta seemed the most at ease. Usually, even when Syusuke feeling okay, his younger brother was walking on eggshells, unbecomingly hesitant like everyone else. The tensai figured it could have something to do with the fact that his own anxiety could make anybody look calm, save perhaps Oishi or Eiji in one of his moods.

It took too much strength to think about and he let the thought fade. Apparently going through an emotion breakdown was incredibly taxing. He hadn't really had much experience in the field but Syusuke was now decidedly exhausted. He supposed it came partly from the relief of knowing that this new development would not worry his family and friends to death. If they could handle it than he could; and when he stumbled he knew there would always be someone to pull him back to his feet again.

"You know…" Yuuta's words drew Syusuke's attention back to his brother, the boy was openly staring at him. The blue eyed genius met the gaze wondering just what else his brother could surprise him with. "Going bald might actually be a good look for you Aniki. Maybe now people won't mistake you for Nee-san."

It was meant to be a joke or a jab at his feminine features obviously but the seriousness with which Yuuta executed the line made it all the more hilarious. "What! They do not!" he laughed highly amused, it felt good. Exactly what he needed. Yuuta had certainly done a wonderful job of cheering him up. Ironic for before it had been him stressing out about how he should act to keep Yuuta calm. His brother's reaction to this entire ordeal had Syusuke nearly giddy with relief. And just for this moment he allowed himself to be weak, to let his emotions flow freely, to be scared and seek comfort.

"It's happened. Once or twice," his brother pressed on his voice still as serious as before though there was a small smirk playing on the edge of his lips. Apparently Yutta liked being on the teasing side of the conversation. Syusuke felt his anxiety melting away as he was dissolved in the calming tones of Yutta's voice.

"You must introduce me to these friends of yours," Syusuke announced still chuckling lightly. His mind was already quick at work on possible methods of humiliation to put the wrong doers through.

"No, that's dangerous. You'll kill them Aniki."

His brother knew him too well, "I won't I promise," Syusuke laughed again, only a short giggle this time for the action made him dizzy. Leaning to the side he rested his head on Yuuta's shoulder with a content sigh. It was a shame really that they couldn't continue talking for a bit longer; it was rare that they ever got to speak so harmoniously to each other. And it was the first time in a long time that Yuuta's side hadn't sound force, angry, or, common recently, dreadfully nervous. But his heart was thudding heavily, thoughts fragmenting, and whether he consciously wanted to or not his body would rest.

"You would take that back if I told you it was Mizuki…" Yuuta nearly muttered but it was still casual enough to be a joke.

Syusuke merely scoffed at his brother before announcing, "I am much too tired to deal with that comment at the moment," This Mizuki-character had an interesting life planned ahead of him.

Yuuta stood up at his reply and nudged Syusuke lightly until he complied to lie down. Waves of sleepiness stole over the prodigy instantly but before he allowed himself to succumb him he sent out a sincere, "Yuuta… thank you." He would never forget this, one of the worst yet very best days of his life.

~Hope you enjoyed, find mistakes? Tell me!


	7. 12:4:11

Written By: Chapter 7

Read through Letters chapter seven before reading please.

Disclaimer: PoT is not mine.

Warning: Angst, drama. Emotional personal situations. BL

(12-4-11)

Syusuke woke up knowing that today was not going to be one to look forward too. His head was spinning and clouded as he rushed to the bathroom when the nausea rolling in his stomach became too much to ignore. Days like this he had self-proclaimed awful and though he couldn't say any day was particularly good, they defiantly were not as terrible. This week had been taxing, both mentally and physically, after his escapades to the hospital and this wasn't exactly the relaxing weekend he had been hoping for. Honestly he could hardly remember anything about the first few days of the week save for feeling absolutely miserable and being in the hospital; Syusuke wasn't quite sure where those days placed just yet except that they belonged somewhere between nonsensical and unspeakable.

As usual Yuuta was the first to find him, hunched over the toilet bowl clutching the cool porcelain exterior like a life line. Syusuke had given up a while ago trying to keep his family away on days like this; he loathed being seen this way yet could do nothing to prevent it. Luckily today he was at least coherent enough to wave Yuuta off and accompanied by a small plea got his brooding brother to wait outside in the hall while he recovered. Shivering, freezing yet sweating, wide awake yet completely dazed, Syusuke fell against the bathtub with breath still heaving. The heavy thudding of his heart reverberated loudly in his head, and when Yuuta reentered looking frazzled and slightly sickened himself Syusuke had to wonder if he could hear the same painful pounding.

"Aniki…are you…" the younger boy trailed off as he approached his brother. Syusuke already knew what his brother wanted to ask and even in his hazy state could guess at the reason the words were left unsaid. Asking whether or not he was okay had become a rather sore spot for the two; for Syusuke would always lie or dodge the question and Yuuta would never believe him. "I'll help you back to your room…" Yuuta switched tactics. Some small part of Syusuke's brain still clinging to reality applauded Yuuta for his growing consideration. As much as everyone was learning to respect his wish to not panic every time he vomited, shivered, or did pretty much anything other than sleep; he was learning to accept their concern and help.

Slowly the tensai nodded, struggling unsteadily to his feet only to be met with a wave of heat and dizzying faintness. His body failed miserable at coordinating properly with his mind and the wall beside him was the only source of stability in his stance. Syusuke felt Yuuta's arm wrap around his shoulders and he allowed himself to fall against his brother instead. Yuuta was a lot more comfortable than the ice tiles and if he was going to be assisted either way he would rather it be mobile; the wall wouldn't be get him to his bed anytime soon.

"Oh, wow…I'm so tired…" Syusuke muttered, voice rough and drawn, when Yutta attempted to move them forward. He was absolutely certain his legs had been replaced with concrete slabs, and skeletal system with jelly. There was a mind-numbing heaviness, a compounding ache pressing upon him from every direction and the sheer willpower that kept him standing was dissipating quickly. Yuuta pressed him to move again and they were able to clear all of about two steps before gravity overcame Syusuke's ability to support himself. His knees buckled just as Yuuta secured his other hand across his torso. The disorientation was hard to combat, but when he felt another pair of hands about his arm he was able to recover enough to find his footing.

"Syusuke, are you okay?" His mother, whom he realized shortly the hands belonged, questioned immediately. Her sharp eyes were examining him with unparalleled concern. Syusuke managed to offer his mother a soft smile, he wouldn't lie to her, he felt terrible, but she need not worry about it. He had already worried the woman more than enough for his entire life time.

Between the two of them Syusuke was able to keep his balance enough to actually leave the restroom. Pushing the embarrassment of having to be totted and supported the short distance to his room he just focused on keeping his breathing steady and his feet moving. When they finally reached his bed Syusuke crawled under the covers lethargically, wanting nothing more than to simply pass out.

Instead he found himself waiting patiently while his mother pressed a cold hand against his forehead checking for a temperature before she moved to press her lips against his damp skin, "Get some rest, I'll bring something light for you to eat in a little while, okay?" Yoshiko suggested gently. Although the mention of food made his stomach turn sickeningly Syusuke nodded in agreement. His mother's fingers lingered upon the material of the hat hiding his hairless head for a few moments before she finally smiled softly, albeit a bit shakily, and left the room.

Expectantly Syusuke turned to his little brother. He still couldn't get use to people watching him sleep if he could help it. Yet Yuuta was still watching him cautiously as if waiting for the tensai to suddenly crumble. For a second Syusuke met Yuuta's eyes and it wasn't until blue met gray that the boy finally turned away disgruntled. Yuuta was just about to walk out of the room when Syusuke's mobile, which was lying on the bedside table, began to ring. Much to Syusuke's surprise Yuuta grabbed the device before he had a chance to untangle his arm from the blanket. The spiky haired teenager answered the caller with an impolite, "Hey."

Taking a peek at the caller ID Syusuke would have chuckled if he hadn't been so completely exhausted and wondered how Tezuka would react to the wayward greeting. Yet when the tensai reached out to take the phone back from his brother Yuuta leaned away from his touch and spoke again into the mobile, "Sorry Aniki can't talk right now, so I'm…"

"Yuuta," Syusuke interrupted mildly annoyed that his bother felt he was not even fit enough speak on the phone. It wasn't at all strenuous, and it was Tezuka on the other line after all. Even Yuuta knew he would never pass up an opportunity to speak with the former captain, half asleep or otherwise.

"Mom said you have to rest…" Came his brothers weak defense though he looked convinced of it himself. The tenseness in Yuuta's stance and voice informed Syusuke that his little display had completely frazzled his younger brother and wrestling the phone back was going to take an extra special measure. Usually when he wanted something from Yutta a quick tease was all it took, yet at times like this a little intimidation wouldn't hurt.

A dazzling smile broke across his features and he allowed his blue eyes to slip open for a brief second as he pinned his brother with his radiating grin, "Talking on the phone isn't going to kill me, ne," came the light cheerful reply. Syusuke could see his brother visibly cringe at his tone, the boy's eyes dart quickly away from the tensai's pale smiling face.

"Che, whatever. Stupid Aniki, I won't apologize to him if you fall asleep again," Yuuta tossed the device at his brother. It landed with a soft bounce on the bedding and Yuuta didn't wait to see the sunny wave Syusuke sent him as he stormed from the room. Syusuke sighed tiredly once the door was closed, it still hurt: the concern from his family. He couldn't understand why really. He was just unable to suppress the disappointment he felt for not being strong enough to handle everything himself, the guilt for the anxiety he caused them on a daily bases. Everyone was stressed out because of him.

Rubbing a hand across his forehead as if trying to wipe the thoughts away he flipped onto his side and set the phone next to his ear. Talking to Tezuka would make him feel better, it always managed to somehow.

"Tezuka? Maa…sorry about that. Yuuta was being stubborn, he's been hording my phone all day." Syusuke tried to keep the exacerbation from his voice; of course it wasn't Yuuta he was angry with.

"How are you feeling?" Came Tezuka's first words, and Syusuke figured the former captain easily detected the poorly masked weakness in his voice, while Yuuta was relatively easy to elude using a smile and tone alone, Tezuka was a different matter entirely.

"Hmm…Honestly?" The tensai replied to the lingering question, taking a second to consider his physical state. "I've seen better days," he answered, there was no way he could convince Tezuka he was feeling well nor did he have the strength to try. Now that he was lying down fatigue was ebbing strongly at his system, willing him to give in to the aching in his body for rest, and much to his chagrin his stomach was still churning unpleasantly.

Syusuke knew his answer left much to be desired yet he could never bring himself to burden Tezuka with the details. He had too many people worrying over this health as it was. Tezuka said nothing regarding the unsaid words and Syusuke was relieved.

"Sorry about not calling, if you're taking the initiative to call me you must have been pretty worried, or perhaps Oishi got to you?" Syusuke began a new conversation tacking on a light chuckle; he did feel a bit bad for failing to contact his friends, though it had only been a few days. Leave it to Oishi to make the biggest deal about it. The tensai choked suddenly his laugher dying off abruptly as he was once again mercilessly gripped with the dreadful over powering need to vomit the absolute nothingness in his stomach. Clutching the material of his shirt tightly Syusuke pressed his free arm against his torso as if the pressure would somehow eliminate the pain and queasiness shooting though his system. He sat up quickly and instantly regretted the action as a wave of lightheadedness crashed into him and he flopped forward limply. Forcing himself up on trembling arms Syusuke snapped his phone shut, he was not about to allow Tezuka to listen to what he knew was coming; there was no way he could make it to the bathroom.

Struggling out of bed with all the coordination of a highly uncoordinated child with his very first tennis racket and a terrible head-cold; the tensai was stricken with such an intense bout of dizziness and nausea that he fell to his knees before he could even stand properly. This ridiculous; it hadn't even been more than ten minutes since his last battle with the ever present nausea that seemed utterly intent on making him as miserable as possible. Usually it was just a rather annoying discomfort, but one which he could generally ignore until the medicine finally settled or sedated him enough to the point of not caring. Not today. It came in waves, again and again, intense and irrepressible.

Shuddering against the resistance of his body to move Syusuke reached out desperately for the trash can under his desk, bowing so far over the light blue container that his entire head was nearly inside. Nothing came out just as Syusuke had been dreading yet predicting. At least most of the time after he actually threw up he would feel a bit better, but at times like this his body would just dry heave painfully with no relief until he was simply too exhausted to anymore. The fit only lasted minutes but that was long enough. It felt like a lifetime.

Syusuke remained doubled over on the floor for some time, willing the ache of his entire body away, praying that no one came in to check on him. At that thought his mind cleared a bit and he recalled hanging up on Tezuka without so much as a word. No doubt his friend was now worried sick, quite possibly worried enough to give Yuuta a call. With great effort Syusuke hauled himself back on to his bed, taking a few more seconds for his breathing to quiet and head to stop spinning before reaching around blindly for his phone.

"Fuji?" Tezuka's concerned voice rang though after about half a ring; somewhere far away Syusuke smiled at the thought of how close Tezuka must have been holding the phone to react so quickly.

"Unn…sorry…" Syusuke could have cringed at the frailty his voice portrayed and he could not repress the tired huff that followed, "Saa, I haven't even eaten anything… and my stomachs upset…" Syusuke found himself saying without really thinking, he hated time like this the most when words slipped unconsciously from his lips. "So much for my immunity… to Inui's Juice, ne?" He tried to joke to make up for the slip up, he hadn't wanted to worry Tezuka yet he was absolutely sure he had managed just the opposite. The tensai could only sigh, thoughts were moving sluggishly in his mind and suddenly every force around him was propelling his head towards the pillow.

"Fuji you should get some rest," Tezuka announced and Syusuke almost found himself turning around to find the voice's physical body. Frowning, the tensai rubbed his free hand across his eyes, in the other his grip on the phone tightened as if it were somehow anchoring his connection to consciousness. It took a minute before Syusuke could comprehend what Tezuka had said and another several seconds before he could formulate a response.

"Mmh, okay captain," was all he was able to mumble out, there was too much clogging his brain from him to reject, nagging heaviness, pain, the unbearable exhaustion. He was just about to say good bye and allow sleep to take him when a thought crossed his mind and before he knew it he was talking again, "Oh, one more thing Tezuka… can you call Eiji and tell him I'll be fine, or Oishi's fine too if you feel uncomfortable… I bet their freaking out…" His voice was fading now and he wasn't even sure that he was still even speaking aloud anymore, "Call them, ne. I'll go now." Syusuke snapped the phone shut before waiting for Tezuka's reply knowing he would not be able to stay wake another second longer; Tezuka would understand. Without further thought exhaustion overcame the tensai.


	8. 12:31:11

Written By: Chapter 8

Read through Letters chapter 13 before reading please.

Disclaimer: PoT is not mine.

Warning: Angst, drama, emotional, personal situations. BL

(12-31-11)

Syusuke had fallen asleep nearly as soon as Tezuka left the night before. Although he didn't know what time his family returned, when he awoke sometime during the night his room light had been switched off and the house was silent.

It took the tensai a few seconds longer than necessary to sort through the jumbled buzz in his head before he was able to come the conclusion that it was probably pretty late. Yet he was unable to confirm his suspicion for the clock on his bedside table blurred and wavered when he attempted to steal a glance at it and it wasn't long before his body succumbed to sleep once again.

In the morning, or perhaps early afternoon judging by the brightness of his room, Syusuke roused to the sound of his sister moving about beside him. When he was finally coherent enough to think clearly he pushed himself up in the bed and watched pensively as the young woman tidied his bedroom. Not that it was ever very dirty to begin with, but still Yumiko hadn't cleaned up after him since he was a child and even then she only ever did it when something was bothering her.

The girl caught her brother's eyes and beat him to the words forming in the questioning air, "Ah, good morning Syusuke! How are you feeling?" although her tone was light and cheery, Syusuke could easily see her calculating gaze reading even his most subtle gestures. She was searching for something, and it made him feel more than a bit uneasy.

"I feel okay, my head's a bit fuzzy today though," Syusuke replied honestly. There was no point in hiding anything from Yumiko. Even though she wasn't quite as worrisome as his mother, at times she tended to get these random bouts of paranoia and for some reason cleaning seemed to ease her mind.

His sister nodded at his words seeming satisfied for the time being, her features soft, understanding. There was still worry in her voice, however, when she announced, "Everyone will be here soon…If you're not feeling up to it I can tell mom."

Syusuke quickly shook his head negatively at the suggestion; it was only once a year that they got to visit with their family from Chiba and although they usually returned there, this year fear caused his mother to cancel the trip. He had been the one to insist they still meet, albeit in Tokyo.

Yumiko kept her eyes concentrated on him for another few seconds before she finally agreed and turned away. It wasn't until his sister was full distracted by his wardrobe, apparently trying to pick out something for him to wear, that he first attempted to get out of bed. Syusuke swayed unsteadily for a moment, his body felt heavy and lethargic but nothing he couldn't handle and down play. Dizziness was relatively easy to hide and could generally be relieved by sitting for a while. Other aliment weren't quite so kind and he could only hope he wouldn't start feeling worse later.

Yumiko left shortly after depositing the outfit she chose into her little brother's hands. Once he was ready, Syusuke was free from prying eyes to hobble his way slowly down the staircase. At the base, he took a minute to sooth his rapid breathing and the exhausted pounding of his heart. No matter how many times it happened he could never get over the fact using the stairs left him this winded. The tensai was just about to move forward when his mother appeared from around the corner and spotted him.

"Syusuke!" The woman greeted hastily. Her smile soft yet the anxiety behind it was easy to see, especial as she slipped a hand behind his back for support. Even though he didn't need the help he allowed his mother to fuss. "Yumiko told me you were feeling dizzy, are you okay?" came the question Syusuke knew was plaguing his mother, "Have you taken your medicine already?" she continued.

Syusuke sent his mother a placating smile, one which he hoped even she could not resist, "I have, and I'm feeling really well today."

He wasn't exactly lying and luckily Yoshiko seemed to believe him for her expression lightened and he could nearly see the tension loosening from her shoulders. Still he allowed himself to be led to the living room then guided onto the couch. Obviously they weren't going to allow him help out with any of the preparations, though cooking was the main task and he never really was a welcome guest in the kitchen after his last dinner fiasco.

Syusuke chuckled at the memory, it wasn't that he was bad at cooking, in fact his food always came out looking every bit as appetizing as it should, sometimes even more so than the original. The difference, however, was hidden in the taste. While he found his dishes to hold a certain charm and flare, his family, and probably everyone else for that matter, blanched at the strangeness. From then on anything he cooked for the family had to be monitored closely, which he found endlessly amusing. Especially when they would bite into their sweet-bean curd and gag on the wasabi laced through it, despite the fact that he hadn't even gone near it.

The boy's internal amusement came to an end when Yuuta entered the room, a sulking look on his stern face. It was clear he had just been expelled from the kitchen, for reasons completely different from his brother's. Yuuta never really tested his ability at handy work; it was a well knew fact that he much preferred sampling over creating. Syusuke smiled at his brother as the youth plopped himself down on the floor beside the couch. "So what is for dinner tonight?" Syusuke questioned and Yuuta looked slightly ruffled, obviously noticing the hint of a tease in his older brother's voice.

"Just the normal stuff, soba, kamaboko, sushi…" The spiky haired teen muttered as he moved forward to pull the video game console out from the shelf under the television. The device had a considerable amount of dust littering the top for while Yuuta was away there was no one else in the house that used it. Without asking permission his younger brother tossed the second control into Syusuke's lap and pressed the play button. It had been awhile, nearly three years since they had played together like this, before Yuuta entered Junior High and then enrolled in St. Ruldolph, before their relationship had become estranged and stained. It was nostalgic, pleasantly so, and for a while Syusuke felt like he had been transported back to their childhood. A wonderful splice of time in which he could forget all his troubles if only for a moment.

On the sixth round they played Syusuke concluded that he was just as bad at video games as he had been back then. Especially now with the effects of the medication he had taken earlier beginning to kick in, wreaking havoc on his ability to focus and concentrate, he had to say his performance was nothing short of embarrassing. Yet Yuuta didn't seem to mind and instead looked quite gratified with his seventh straight victory. Playing was fun but it wasn't long before Syusuke had to forfeit the controller, and his mini-avatars place as Yuuta's personal punching bag, to lie down a while.

Syusuke was still dozing on the couch when there was a knock at the door and it was Yuuta's light prodding that roused him from his short nap.

"Aniki they're here," the younger boy explained briefly while Syusuke straightened himself, blinking back the sleepiness upon him. At the sound of guests gathering in the entry way and his mother and sister greeting them properly, he made to stand in order to accompany his brother in joining the welcoming. The movement, however, sent his head spinning wildly in protest and he collapsed forward in a sudden swoon.

Only Yuuta's quick grasp about his waist stopped the tensai from becoming intimately acquainted with the living room floorboards.

"A-Aniki!" Yuuta exclaimed, immediately pushing his brother back onto the couch. Dazed, Syusuke allowed the action, taking a second to compose himself, hoping the others hadn't heard the outburst, before he spoke.

"Sa…I'm okay…" His voice was airy and lackluster. He knew it didn't sound convincing at all and he had to consciously stop himself from grabbing his brother's hand for it look as if Yuuta were about to bolt and get their mother at any second.

"I just got up too fast…but I'm fine really," Syusuke continued injecting as much strength into his words as he could muster. He was upset with himself; he had been hoping to get through the day without worrying anyone and this morning it had seemed like a reasonable notion. Now, however, he would be lucky if he could manage to stay awake, never-mind reassuring everyone he was fine. Not for the first time he lamented the medication he had to take and his body's inability to cope.

Yuuta just frowned further in response but didn't have time to leave the room before their mother entered. Beside her their grandparents, aunt, uncle, and their two children, one about Yuuta's age, the other a few years younger.

Of course none of them were upset that the two boys failed to greet them formally, though the elder of their cousins, Jinto, teased Yuuta about it. The boy coming to the conclusion that Yuuta had probably been too absorbed in video games to even hear the doorbell. The theory wasn't exactly wrong, though in had been Syusuke's fault that they missed their chance entirely.

When things finally settled down Syusuke figured that something about him alarmed his mother for he found himself being fussed over by his aunt who had recently become a certified nurse. His younger cousin also periodically hovered nearby; though the girl's presence was a bit more tiresome than helpful with her anxious words and clumsy gestures.

Jinto and Yuuta adamantly avoided the mothering through their video game, sending Syusuke a few looks of pity and whispered words of relief that in fact it was not themselves having to endure the feminine concern.

Luckily the rest of the day passed without incident and dinner ended up being a great lively success which everyone enjoyed. After eating, although the tradition was to stay up and watch the first sunrise, Syusuke's body bade him to rest. It was only with quite a bit of encouragement from his family he finally agreed upon napping for a few hours.

On his way to his room, honorably graced by the presence of both Yuuta and Jinto as his personal escorts, an important question emerged.

"Hey so I guess this means there's no prank in store for us this year, huh?" their cousin realized, a strange mixture of both relief and disappointment on his face. While Syusuke's pranks were nothing to trifle with and certainly not something to look forward to, they had been happening for so long it was odd to think of the New Year without them.

Somehow this holiday had become Syusuke's favorite for setting up elaborate tricks on which to play on his younger family members, and sometimes even Yumiko. Though in his sisters case the young woman was nearly as good at dodging his pranks as he was at setting them up.

The tensai sent his cousin a small smile. It was innocent and gentle and false. Though Jinto without a doubt couldn't tell, Yuuta probably knew better, if the skeptical look on his face meant anything.

"Sa, I guess. I'm just too tired this year. But I'll make up for it next year so look forward to it, ne," Syusuke announced his grin turning mischievous. Yuuta's expression only changed marginally, as if wasn't sure whether to remain wary about this year or just save his worries for whatever lie in wait for him next year. Before his brother had time to make a dive for more information Syusuke waved the two a quick farewell and slipped into his bedroom. New Years was certain a wonderful holiday.

Syusuke ended up waking without any prompting, thirty minutes before Yuuta's promised call time, an hour until sunrise. Getting out of bed he heard the bath water running from across the hall a smile came to his lips.

The tensai took pleasure in knowing that it was already well into the early morning thus much too late for anyone to be taking a bath. Poking his head out into the hallway to see, much to his amusement, he found his cousin writhing and itching just outside the bathroom door; obviously waiting for his turn to shower.

It appeared the two successfully stumbled their way onto his little trick, even without his prompting. While he had been hoping it happened while he was up to see their reactions, luckily he hadn't missed all the fun.

Syusuke, chuckling, garnered the attention of Jinto who sent a betrayed look in his direction, "I thought you said you didn't do anything this time!" The boy accused scratching finically at his forearm.

Lightly cocking his head to the side Syusuke put a finger to his lips thoughtfully, "Hmm…I have no idea what you're talking about," came his reposed response, punctuated by a knowing smile.

Jinto floundered accusingly, looking amusingly irritated and humiliated. Of course he couldn't have been the one to put itching powder in their otoshidama when he had been in his room resting the whole time. On that note his cousin failed to create a solid accusation without sounding ridiculous. With a light nod Syusuke left the befuddled boy and continued to the lower floor.

In the living room he was greeted warmly then promptly led to the couch by Yumiko to watch the remainder of the New Year's festivities going on in the heart of Tokyo.

By the time the sun was due to rise Yuuta and Jinto returned looking refreshed though still disgruntled enough to gape accusingly at Syusuke who simply greeted them with his usual smile.

It was when everyone was filing out of the house to watch the sun rise that Syusuke mother stopped him. The tensai had foreseen this confrontation a while ago, given his mother's worrisome nature and the clear cold night air outside.

"Syusuke, maybe it would be better if you and I watched from inside?" The woman suggested, fingering the material of her coat apprehensively, and while he hated to disagree with his mother especially when she was just worried for him, he really didn't want any more special treatment and was actually quite looking forward to seeing the year's first morning light together with his family. Even though he couldn't help but think that the day would have been made even more perfect had all of his friends there with him as well, he still took comfort in the thought that they would at least be under the same sky.

"I'll be okay," Syusuke said gently, "I want to watch with everyone," he confessed and his mother smiled and nodded.

"Okay." Was all she said as she handed him his coat and slipped her own on. Together they joined the others in the front yard just as the purple hues of dawn begin to give way to gold.


End file.
